The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places.
Ernest Hemingway
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A LONG WEEK

5/28/2018

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​A I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF HAIR LOSS, I WILL NOT FEAR, FOR AS MY HAIR FALLS, I WILL KNOW I AM STRONGER ---  I WILL KNOW I AM MORE THAN MY HAIR. YOU MIGHT TAKE MY HAIR (ALTHOUGH I WISH YOU WOULDN'T) BUT YOU WON'T TAKE MY LIFE.  

THANKS, GOD.

​Happy Memorial Day! Remember all those who have gone before us that sacrificed their lives for our safety and freedom. I had an uncle, Kenneth Wayne Fare, who was killed in the Korean conflict at age 19.  This is also a day to remember our loved ones who have passed before us and that we still miss so badly.


Okay.  So this has 
​​been an incredibly looonnnng week or so. At the time of the last post, I hadn't had my second chemo. Tuesdays will be "chemo" day for the next six months. Anyhoo, this past Tuesday my Dr. Ghosh decided to add a second kind of chemo, so my infusion session lasted longer. I don't know what was in that second part of the new concoction, but I DID NOT like it. Or rather, it didn't like me. I  was in misery from Tuesday to early Sunday morning with extreme constipation. My abdomen hurt so bad. Finally, got over that, but I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to do like the old joke, "Did ya hear about the constipated mathematician? She had to work it out with a pencil!"    Sorry, but I did feel really crummy. 

​And, the hair. OMG    It is falling at a very rapid rate. Hair is everywhere. When I went to church yesterday (I only stayed for half of it cause I wasn't feeling the greatest), I noticed I had like a spiderweb mist of loose hanging hair all around me. Gross. I am so glad that Jenna and I went to Jeffrey Scott's salon last week and bought a new wig. It is longer than the three I have from the last cancer go-around. But I wear my hair longer now, and this new piece is more in line with my current style. In real life, it is very close in color to my real color.
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​I suspect I will wearing this one sooner than I expected.  NOTE: That wad next to the wig is single hairs that I collected, just from running my fingers through my hair a few times.

​I need to name it. You remember my last three wigs were named Rochelle, Roxie, and Rochelle II. Granddaughter Cate suggested  i name this one Roseanne (but personally, I am not politically on the same page as Roseanne from TV, so I think not!)  I'llthink of something. After all, this thing will be a very close friend of mine for the next six or seven months.

​And so, tomorrow will be the third infusion in 15 days. This is a lot harder than last time for some reason. Both new chemo juices are different from last time, so that must be the difference. 

​The doctor instructed me to eat more green, leafy salads,  lots of protein, and yogurt --- or take probiotics. I tried the yogurt, but that stuff sucks!!!!! It tasted like eating sour cream. So probiotics, it will be for me. 

​I finally am feeling much better. I went out last evening (when it was cooler --- had been around 100 degrees all day) and did a bunch of mowing and some trimming. I wanted our yard to look nice for the holiday. After getting that done, I felt much happier since it makes me nervous to have a messy, shaggy lawn.

​So, tomorrow is another chemo day. I'll let you know if it goes well, or --- well, doesn't. Either, way, it has to happen.

​                                                                         GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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BUSY AND TIRED

5/20/2018

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​BEING SICK IS JUST YOUR BODY'S WAY OF SAYING YOU ARE TOO AWESOME AND YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN SO EVERYONE CAN CATCH UP.  
                                                                                         Despicable Minion movie


​NOTE: This post is said "tongue in cheek".

​Last five days have swirled by. After getting "Roger", my port, put in on Monday, I went to the oncologist's on Tuesday to be filled in with all the specifics of this type of cancer. I am at Stage 2a.  Not bad. Could be worse.  Then they decided to put in my first round of chemo. Since the port site was still kinda tender, they applied a patch of numbing stuff for about 30 minutes before doing the procedure. But, OMG, when they took off the bandage that had covered the spot (or rather, SPOTS) were the doctor had made the incision (or rather, INCISIONS), I was rather shocked.

​
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​Sorry, I kinda sprung that on you without any warning. UGLY!!  In the middle of the picture, you can see a thin white line. That is the scar from my first port in 2013, which was done by my wonderful surgeon, Dr. Robert Brimmer.  At the time, I guess I didn't realize what a rock star surgeon he was. I just took it for granted that a nice neat, single, thin line was all that was needed to put one of those things in.   Well, this guy who sliced and diced me on Tuesday is no Dr. Brimmer. There is an extraordinary long cut for the port, and then he sliced above it and ran the tube from the port upwards then turned it down into the vein near the heart. I can actually feel the tube right under my skin. It's  like a plastic straw that is laying under a table cloth. (poor comparison but that's the best I can do). This picture was taken after some of the swelling and the bruising had faded.  Really a sloppy job.

​But better times were ahead. Thursday I spent much of the day with my dear, oldest friend, Betty Coleman from Missouri.  We had a light breakfast at Panera's and talked. Then went to the historical society in our home town. She got to see the tablecloth that her mother and many of her relatives had embroidered their names on. Some of her friends and neighbors had signed it, too, including my late mother and grandmother.  How cool!

​Then we went for lunch at Cheddar's and then visited the Noleridge flower gardens before it was time for her to meet up with her husband to head home.  What a great day and a blessing at this time. Thanks, Bet!

​Saturday son Dan showed up from Minnesota, and helped Jenna and some of her friends do some landscaping at WoodBridge. I took Alec for a quick swing through town, where we hit several garage sales. We LOVE garage sales and got some fantastic buys.  Hubby got the Bobcat out and hauled some boulders to the building and placed them at the bottom of a steep slope. It looks really good. Then Saturday night, we went to great-niece Kayla's HS graduation. That was a very nice time and got to see a lot of family members.

​Then, today . . .  well, I was pooped. I didn't make it to church, but sis-in-law Zonna and her husband stopped later and delivered a BEAUTIFUL handmade prayer shawl that a wonderful lady from church, Donna Thompson, had made for me. It is unbelievable soft!  What a thoughtful gift. And I am usually chilly in church so it will come in handy. Thanks so much!



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​Can't wait to see what will happen this week. Talk to ya later.

​                                                              GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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PLAN "B"

5/17/2018

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​WORK JOYFULLY AND PEACEFULLY, KNOWING THAT RIGHT THOUGHTS AND RIGHT EFFORTS WILL INEVITABLY BRING ABOUT RIGHT RESULTS.
                                                                                                          James Allen

Good morning on a beautiful day.

​Yesterday was my second chemotherapy treatments. Note that I said "treatment​s".  ​After a long discussion with my wonderful Dr. Ghosh and Nurse Practitioner Mindy, we are now going to Plan B. I wasn't expecting that we would ​need ​a plan B . . . but here we go. 

​Dr. was out of town when I headed back to the clinic last week to start on this unexpected journey again after 4 1/2 years, so another colleague had surmised what was going on. When Dr. Ghosh returned, he read all the data on my case and began to think outside the box. He's very good at that. He looks at things from all directions and reads voraciously on every single new idea about curing cancer.

​Yesterday, we decided to add another chemo to the cocktail. The first one, that I will continue taking, is more mild than the high-octane three kinds from my original breast cancer were. Therefore, (I know . . . I know. . . I am a shallow person) I was NOT expected to lose my hair this time. Yay!!!! Now, it's a given with this  new powerful chemo juice added,  the hair will probably be gone in a couple of weeks. Last time, I managed to keep most of my mop for 2 or 3 months, but I guess it's time to pull the wigs out. Hey, perhaps I should have a contest to see who can pick the day, hour, and minute that the last sprig of my hair gently floats to the floor, and I again look like Mr. Clean. Think about it.

​So to recap yesterday's appointment. After giving blood, having it tested, and then having a long discussion with my team, (1 hour), my scheduled 30 minute infusion turned into a 2 hour session. I was first given three kinds of anti-nausea stuff (25 minutes) then first chemo dope (30 minutes) and last the new chemo dope (1 hour). That is why I am calling this Plan B., since we changed from one infusion to three treatments  (once every three weeks). These people do not wait around wasting time. They jump right in and do it immediately, even if you are not expecting it or have planned for it. If they think every minute counts, they will make time to get the right things done. Great people, I have. But I was pooped! 

​There is a ton of stuff I want to get done NOW NOW NOW! But I will pace myself. The landscaping at the WoodBridge Building is looking better every day. I discovered some beautiful ferns that are growing on the north end of some of our property. I think I will dig some up and place them around some huge boulders that Hubby put in by the well pit. That will doll it up a bit. I need to get a sign ordered for the building. And until we can figure out if the government is going to keep Medicaid waiver payments cut in half, we will go to our own  Plan B.. (Jenna and I have decided that when everything falls into place, it will be because that is what is intended to happen. Never fear, we also have Plan C., Plan D. . . . you get the idea) I am writing up a simple contract and am going to rent out the building for baby/wedding showers, business meetings, family reunions, small banquets, etc., to help as far as paying the utilities, and make good use of the building until all the paperwork can be figured out. 

​I also want to start cleaning closets, basement, and my car and truck!! My Dad always kept his vehicles spotless. Hmmm . . . wish I had inherited that trait. Oh, and the mowing!!! Dang, but I have a lot of mowing and trimming to do in this town. Had to have Hubby replace the belt on the John Deere and he still needs to put on a new set of blades  ( I hit a lot of rocks).  Oh, and my dermatologist said I have to wear a hat when I am outside, 'cause I have such light colored hair (sunburn on the head creates skin cancer), plus I have blue eyes, so I could end up with even  more sun damage on my face. That makes me a candidate for more trouble, which I personally don't need right now. Anyhoo, I found this cool hat at Lowe's by the garden department. It is a khaki colored  with a brim, a string under the chin, and looks really park-rangerish, but it fits, and does the job. Sister Sandy had previously given me a wonderful straw hat for outdoor work, but the brim is lightweight enough, the wind keeps blowing it off my head. Still love it, though.

​That's about it for now. Life is getting a little bit too interesting. But we will manage.  :)

​                                                         GOD BLESS YOU ALL




​
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HIS NAME IS ROGER

5/15/2018

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​I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OBSESSED WITH NAMING THINGS. IF I COULD NAME THEM, I COULD KNOW THEM.   IF I COULD NAME THEM, I COULD TAME THEM.   THEY COULD BE MY FRIENDS.

                                                         Eve Ensler "The Vagina Monologues"

​Yesterday was a busy, but productive day. Spent 4 1/2 hours at the hospital, but came home with a brand, new port in my chest. The procedure was not difficult, just different. I swear that I was completely knocked out when I had the last one. That one was put in by my surgeon. But he has since retired. So, this time a Radiologist who specializes in procedures like this did it. I was supposed to be in a twilight state but I didn't drift off. I stayed completely in the moment, which was interesting because I could listen to the techs all chatting about silly things and feel the intense pushing and digging as the port was shoved in and put in place.. Oh, I was completely numb, so there was absolutely no pain. 

​The area didn't start hurting until later last night. I just took some pain killers and went to bed. The bandage is quite large and REALLY taped to the skin, which is kinda uncomfortable, but do-able. I can see where there is a lot of bruising way around the incision.  The gauze and tape show above the neckline of my top, so I have decided that I if anyone asks me about what happened, I will simply answer, "Didn't you see it on the news? I got shot in the neck!!" and then watch their reaction. I texted Jenna this morning telling her what I planned to do, and she approved. I knew she would. :)

​We will be leaving in a bit to go to the oncologist. As I mentioned before, I will be getting information about what kind of chemo I'm having this time around. It is very possible that they will start my first infusion today. The Radiologist said that I was ready to go and that the port could be used right away. ouch  NOTE: I was wrong about the needle and port being magnetized so that the needle is maneuvered to the correct opening. (that is how fluid is inserted into the skin stretchers that you have in your breasts before reconstructive implants are put in).  The port has three good-sized knobs on the top and the nurse feels through the skin with her finger. When she find the "triangle" of knobs, they manually insert the IV needle into the middle and then chemo juice flows correctly into the  port which is connected to the vein above the heart. Voila!

​Anyhoo, it is a beautiful day outside, and I already went for a walk. My legs are doing a bit better this morning, so I went down to the building to check on the darn little spot lights that I set around the yard. THEN, I realized that you have to pull out a little orange tab out of the dumb things in order for the sun to start charging the battery. Oh well, they're fixed now. 

​Oh . . . and about Roger.  I have been bugging my family about the name Roger. When niece Holly got a new dog, I firmly suggested that she name it Roger. She politely declined and named him Lucah. When great-nephew and his wife had a baby boy, again I generously offered up the name Roger. They opted for "Owen William" which is truly a great name.  When nephew Luke from Texas texted a picture of a creepy scorpion that he had trapped in a glass tube, I suggested he keep it for a pet and name it . . .  you got it! . . .  Roger.  I think he threw the scorpion away.  

​Soooooo  . .  . I now have an "alien" type friend riding around below my collar bone who is here to help with all my chemo infusions. And, by golly, I have named him Roger.   

​NOTE:  I am truly not as nuts as I sound when I write on this post.  Truly.     hehehe

​                                                     GOD BLESS YOU ALL


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THE RETURN OF THE ALIEN

5/13/2018

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​DON'T GIVE UP BECAUSE OF ONE BAD CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE.  KEEP GOING.  YOUR STORY DOESN'T END HERE.
​                                                                                              Simple Reminders.com (this was posted on
                                                                                               Facebook by friend Karen Balderston and I
                                                                                                thought it was cool.


​Tomorrow the "alien" returns. I will be getting  a new port put in. Last time I had it on the right side of my chest, just under the collarbone. That worked out good, so I hope they put it there again. I call it an "alien" because it felt so out-of-this-world having a hard, squarish object riding around under the skin and on the front of me. It was wonderful to have, because the chemo treatments went so much easier. The Tech would simple put the IV needle next to it, and a magnet would direct the needle into the insertion hole under the skin, and VOILA! Or at least I think that was the procedure. Anyhoo, it worked great. There was no wear and tear on jabbing into my veins each time. Easey peasey. AND, when it came time to remove it, I was simply numbed up and the doctor slit the skin, and dug it out like removing a bullet from my chest. Didn't hurt and healed quickly. I remember tell the surgeon as he pulled that sucker out that it felt like birthing an alien (like in the movie). He made a flourish of holding it up and saying, "it's a . . . " He never did finish. I still don't know if it was a boy or a girl.   hmmmm

​Yesterday I mowed my huge yard, and then mowed Woodbridge's huge yard. I did get my yard trimmed up, which now looks great. We've had enough rain that everything is green and lush, and looks very "park-like". I need to get out and plant some more hostas today, since after tomorrow, I am not supposed to use my arm for two or three days. Yipes! I still have Little Ma's yard, and our lot on Front Drive, and the shop land to mow. Maybe this afternoon. It is currently cold and dreary this morning. BLAH!!! Just enough to make you want to wrap up in a blanket and park it in front of the TV. 

​Uh. . . maybe it is autumn already. We did have a few hot days. That must have been our Iowa summer, and then we blasted right past that to a cold, damp autumn . . .  again.    crap

​Before leaving to go visit Hubby's aunt yesterday, he had me stop so he could snap a photo. Nothing special. 

​


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                                                                          Hi, Everybody.


​Okay, so I will keep ya posted on how things go tomorrow.  Talk later.

                                                                     GOD BLESS YOU ALL
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I LIED

5/10/2018

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​STARTING SOMETHING NEW OR MAKING A BIG CHANGE REQUIRES EFFORT, PERSISTENCE, AND MOTIVATIONS . . . DOUBT, FEAR & WORRY WILL ONLY SLOW YOU DOWN. FOCUS ON DOING YOUR BEST NOW & ​CELEBRATE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
​                                                                                                   Doe Zantamata

Okay. So far this is what has happened. Hubby and I went to the oncologist yesterday. Yup, my Wednesday did arrive! Anyhoo, my regular wonderful doctor, Dr.Ghosh was unavailable, and my Mindy was booked solid. Remember that they are squeezing me into their schedule, because they have a lot of patients who already had appointments. Dr. H. is nice, but I feel lonely without the people I have worked with for the last 4 1/2 years. 

​Dr. H. said my diagnosis is metastatic ductal carcinoma. Cancer, folks, cancer. He wanted to start chemo right after my appointment yesterday, saying that they would just pump it into one of my "fat" veins. Jeeze, even my veins are large. But I opted for getting a port put in which is scheduled for Monday. It will be so much more convenient than maybe wrecking my veins. A port does ​feel funky, sitting right under the skin up by my collarbone. But it's worth going this route.

​There was one funny moment, when a Tech was talking to me in the hallway. He was getting ready to take a blood sample. He kept pronouncing my name wrong. Janaye.  Jeananne. Jane Ann. Finally, Terry, the wonderful receptionist leaned over the counter in the entryway and hollered down the hall "It's JANENE!  SHE"S JANEEENE!" Gotta love her. She's always been in my corner, too.

​Tuesday, I will meet with Mindy and go over chemo therapy information. I guess that's needed because this is going to be a different kind of chemo than previously used on me. It's probably just procedure, "cause "this ain't my first rodeo", if ya know what I mean. "I've read this book before."

You do realize that I will be losing my hair AGAIN! crap crap crap.  I was thinking this morning about my eyebrows. A few weeks ago I went to the beauty shop and had my brows waxed and shaped. The girl did an awful mess of it. Last week I went back in to ask if they could possibly fix them somehow. 
​The girl said "Sure!". As she worked on my, I realized that it was the SAME one that had done the bad job originally. She had just dyed her hair bright red, and I didn't recognize her. Well, she tried. I still wasn't happy with the outcome, but what the heck.   Now, I think how silly I was worrying about a bad brow wax situation was.         In a few weeks, I won't have any brows at all. Or eyelashes. Or any hair!! If it were possible for me to run (considering my leg pain problem) I would probably be aero-dynamic!

​As I recall, the first time around with chemo, I was told that my hair would probably be gone 14 days after the first session. I think I held onto most of it for 2 to 3 months! I was lucky. This time, I'll probably cut it really short before that. It was a real pain losing hair all over the place. I couldn't wear a black top, because I would look like I was wearing a small, blonde animal riding around on my back. You get the picture. 

​In November of 2013. my dear daughter, Jenna, started this cancer blog to keep people informed as to how things were going. After months (and years) of getting things back to normal, I segued the posts into a form of "Seinfeld" information. You know, making a big deal about absolutely nothing concerning our lives.  Now, we are back where we started. A cancer blog. So be it. I am coming to terms with this.

​It is kinda funny to go back and read some of the posts over the years. Yipes! I forgot how I meandered and talked about weird stuff. I don't even remember writing some of it. I kept forgetting that others were reading it. It became a diary of sorts. 

​The title of today's post is "I LIED".

Yes, I did. Before going to the doctor yesterday, I cried. I know I promised that I wouldn't, but I did. Just a little. In the bathroom. By myself. So it's okay.  Right?

                                                                        GOD BLESS YOU ALL
​  



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I WISH TODAY WAS WEDNESDAY

5/8/2018

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HOPE CAN BE A POWERFUL FORCE. MAYBE THERE IS NO MAGIC IN IT, BUT WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HOPE FOR THE MOST AND HOLD IT LIKE A LIGHT WITHIN YOU, YOU CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN . . .  ALMOST LIKE MAGIC.
​                                                                                                Laini Taylor

​I really do wish today was Wednesday. Tomorrow (Wednesday) I go to the oncologist to find out what the game plan is and also to learn what stage this cancer is at. Keep your fingers crossed that it is a Stage 1. I think I could handle a Stage 2. But I would not be a happy camper with a Stage 3 or more!

​
​I'm glad that I am not as emotional this time around as I was the last. I remember not feeling like talking to anyone (about anything!) except for Hubby and Jenna, for at least two weeks. I worked hard not to cry, because I felt that once I started that, I wouldn't be able to stop. So I stifled it as best I could. That can be exhausting in itself.

​So I will wait out these next 26 1/5 hours.  I will give you an update tomorrow.

​And I will not cry. Promise.

​                                                                  GOD BLESS YOU ALL

​



​

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GOOD NEW S . . . BAD NEWS

5/4/2018

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​Just a quick post to keep you up to speed.

​I think Hubby has solved my mysterious leg pain. He put his inverta-bed in the middle of the family room and had me hang upside down on it. After 5 to 10 minutes, I could walk without limping and loping along. I can't believe how much better it made me feel. Evidently, there is some pinched nerves somewhere, and this treatment reduced the pressure. I got up this morning and "hung" again. It's working!!!! That's my good news.

​Now for the not so good news.    Just got home from the oncologist's with the results of the biopsy taken last week. Well, kids, here we go again!!!  

​It seems that I have a different kind of breast cancer in the lymph nodes. It is still considered breast cancer, just not the same kind as I had before. More test results next week will tell us the whole story. In the meantime, the doctor talked about chemo and radiation treatments. He doesn't want to do surgery and hack that crap out of me, 'cause that causes exceptional pain when you're getting  radiation. It also causes the whole arm to swell up and hurt like hell. 

​So, there. I know this is all do-able. It's not nearly as big as the last episode. But I am still stinging from the news. It makes me really mad that this is going on. I have so much I want to get done this summer, and this darn situation is messing up my plans!!!!

​Jenna texted me and said she would call me on her lunch hour (as usual), but to call her before that time if I had any news from the doctor. I texted her back with the results. Then I told her that I didn't feel like talking just yet, maybe later. She understood.  Then I got thinking, that I informed her of the breast cancer diagnosis in 2013, in an e-mail.  Poor kid, gets news like this through technology. 

​I'll keep ya posted.

​                                                                    GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
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    Janene...

    ... was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 11, 2013. This is a place for all of the people who love and care about her to get the information about her treatment and her personal experience of kicking cancer's ass, (sometimes from her daughter's perspective). It's hard to stand by and not be able to do anything to help. Writing gives my mom an outlet and allows both of us to share information during this time. Therefore, we blog :) 

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