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DISCIPLINE OR ABUSE?

9/29/2014

FEAR KILLS MORE DREAMS THAN FAILURE EVER WILL. DON'T LET IT DECIDE YOUR FUTURE. YOU CAN BE COMFORTABLE OR COURAGEOUS, BUT NOT BOTH AT ONCE.

                                                                  Mark and Angel

I read an article in the newspaper yesterday about Football player Adrian Peterson, who whipped his kid with a switch and left injuries on his bottom and scrotum!???????? Now, the big discussion is what is appropriate when disciplining your kids. One man's comment was "The sound of my dad's leather belt clearing belt loops on his jeans was enough for me to fly right."   Interesting. Hopefully a little fear was healthy in his case. He had enough respect for his parent to know that he was doing something he shouldn't, and straightened up BEFORE  having to get a licking.

I've heard horror stories from people I know, about getting beatings (I mean REAL beatings) over doing absolutely nothing. These parents were control freaks and for some crazy reason, it must have made them feel like they were powerful and could do whatever they wanted with their "property". What these guys neglected to remember was that these kids would grow up and would not have to be submissive to them anymore. The days are coming that as these guys get older, they will need help from their children and guess what? . . . these kids aren't going to be there for them.

As far as I can remember, discipline in my family usually fell on Mom's shoulders. She wasn't much for slapping or whipping anybody. I do remember doing naughty things and getting a swat on the behind, but it never made me mad, because . . . well, I knew darn well that I deserved it. It got my attention, and for the most part, I never repeated that action that earned me the swat. Dad, on the other hand, never, and I mean NEVER laid a hand on any of us kids. Dad had "The Look" down pat. If Mother told Dad about something that warranted punishment and she didn't have the stomach to do it herself, then he would take over. His idea of punishing or warning about never doing something again, was "The Look". He had a way of looking at us and saying a few words about what we had done wrong, and we were totally crushed. I don't know why we were so concerned about his finding out our little misdeeds, because it wasn't as though he was going to smack or kick us. It was "The Look" that we dreaded so much.

I think the funniest confrontation I ever had with my mother was the Raspberry Bush Experience. When I was about five years old or so, I remember getting on Mom's bad side when I spouted off to her best friend, Jean S. Now I still adore Jean to this very day, and I'm sure she never thought twice about what I said, but it embarrassed Mother very much (she was always telling us whenever we went somewhere , "For goodness sake, don't do anything to embarrass me!")   Jean S. had a big powerful Boxer dog named Sunday. Sunday always wore a collar with jingling tags so you could hear whenever he was in the area. Us kids were scared to death of Sunday. I don't remember ever being chased or snapped at by him, but never-the-less, we were scared. One day I happened to mention to Jean how we couldn't go outside to play, because her dog was always running around our yard and we were too frightened to venture out. Jean just laughed, but after she went home, Mom told me that was a rude thing to say and came after me to give me a little swat to remember this occasion. In my teeny tiny kid's mind, I remember thinking ' I'm five. SHE"S OLD. I can outrun her. (Actually mother was 29 at the time). So out the door I ran, confident that she would never catch me. Uh . . . golly, Mom was quicker than I had imagined. As I ran, I saw our huge raspberry thicket that had formed into a massive hedge. I'd just duck in there and she'd never think to look there. So into the thicket I wedged myself. Now, think about it, People . . . a thicket - - - with sharp sticky thorns on the branches. I was stuck! Of course Mother did know where I had gone, and calmly walked back to the house, leaving me to think about saying the proper things, and wondering how in the world I was going to pull free from the raspberry thicket.

NOTE: I believe the dog, Sunday, was hit by a car on our country road and killed. Karma????

Here are some pictures that I managed to get put on this post. This is my Autumn display, the wonderful mum plant that Connie F. gave me, a view of the deck about half-way done, my new car (Yippee!), AND MY SILVERY WHITE CAP OF NEW GROWN HAIR!

                                                                              GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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LOOKING FORWARD

9/26/2014

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IN THIS BRIGHT FUTURE YOU CAN'T FORGET YOUR PAST.

Bob Marley

Jenna and I are looking forward to our Sunday "march" coming up on October 5th. The Breast Cancer Walk is just around the corner and if I haven't mentioned it, our team name is the OVERCOMER CLUB. Betty M.' s team is called TEAM AUNTY BOOTY. Love it! As we have mentioned before, Jen and I have previously joined the walk in honor of her late friend, Jamie. The first one I attended, Jamie was still was us, and it was a truly inspirational and amazing experience. When you see thousands of people walking down the streets of Cedar Rapids, all with purpose and in a positive state of mind, it is really something to see. It is crazy to see how many people are affected by breast cancer - - - as patients or as family and friends.

I wanted to mention that Lon's (and mine) cousin Connie F. brought me some very nice things along with the best message that she wrote in a card. She had just learned about my dad's death, and therefore brought us the most beautiful huge mum plant in a gorgeous ceramic planter. Then, to cheer me up from the health ordeal, she got me a selection of fingernail polishes! She works with a gal who went through this same thing, and her friend said it cheered her up to polish her fingernails and toenails. ME TOO! And I had just pretty much run out of what polish I had. What fun! It does make me feel better to doll up my toenails, since the big toe nails are on the comeback. The big toes and one little toe were the only ones affected by the chemo and turned black and fell off. Sorry - - - didn't mean to get so graphic.

I went out early this morning to take a picture of my fall landscape. A few years back, on a trip with the sis-in-laws and Little Ma, we all went out East. People really decorate their yards in Connecticut and Vermont. Nina and I try to do something in our own yards each year. I got a bale of straw, some pumpkins and lots of Autumny-colored silk flowers and make a display in my yard by the driveway. I also wire a Fall wreath onto a shepherd's hook and set it behind the bale. I put one of those decorative scarecrows with the whole display and called it good.

So, get out and enjoy this beautiful season, and if you happen to get an extra bale of straw and a few fake flowers, embrace Autumn.

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I'VE NEVER SEEN HER CRY

9/22/2014

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AS WE GROW UP, WE REALIZE IT BECOMES LESS IMPORTANT TO HAVE A TON OF FRIENDS, AND MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVE REAL ONES.

                                                                           Lifehack

When I say that I've never seen HER cry, I am actually talking about two different women - - - my own mother and my mother-in-law, Little Ma. A while back, I had said that I was going to start making a list of women that I feel are strong and resilient and are true Steel Magnolias. I am putting these two women at the very top of that list.

When Hazel's parents passed, she took matters into her own hands, and together with her sister and brother, took care of final preparations. When, her daughter left this world, she soldiered on even though she was carrying a broken heart inside. When her husband died, she circled the room comforting everyone else. I never saw her cry. Oh, I'm sure she did in her own private moments, but she had the strength and grace to endure through the toughest of times, and hold things together for everyone else.

Yesterday was a day full of lies! We had told Little Ma so many stories to get her out of the house and off to

Tina's for her "90th" birthday party. Unfortunately, her hip was absolutely killing her and she was really debating whether to go out for lunch with us all for Cate's birthday lunch at a steakhouse, and to see Dan and Tammy while they were back here from Minnesota. This is the story we had been telling her to get her prepared for going somewhere. (I think we lied so good, that Cate was beginning to tell herself that she was going to have steak at the steakhouse! She said later that she had a much better meal, because the women in her family are fantastic cooks!) We could tell that Ma was not doing the best, but what could we do? Dozens of people were waiting to see her and celebrate her life!  Lon had been to her house earlier in the morning, and he said she was in a very fragile state of mind as far as emotions went.  Being in pain so much, and not being able to do the things that she had always done, and was still wanting to do, was so frustrating. Plus, she is trying to get her leg wound to heal, and therefore, has to be so careful about being outside - which she dearly loves.    Lon could tell that she was fighting back tears, since everything seemed so depressing.

Well, we did get her out of the house, and we did get her up to the party. But, oh my, was she surprised at seeing all the people there for her. She sat in the car and told us "she just needed a minute" before she got out to join in, because it was so overwhelming. She bravely managed to fight back any tears

It was a wonderful day, with wonderful people and wonderful food. The weather cooperated pretty well. At least it didn't rain, and the sun came out every so often.

The other woman whom I never ever saw cry, was Mother. Again, when her parents passed, she took the reins and steered everyone through the tough times. When her sister was killed in a car accident, she held on strong. When her other sister died from kidney failure, and then again when her brothers left us, she was a rock. For such a little woman, she was tough as nails when it came to controlling her emotions and not letting anyone see how devastated she really was.

I'm sure she had lots of disappointments and fears in her life, but never let anyone see her cry. There was one frightening time back in the 80's when our family was going through a horrible event. I remember my phone ringing, and I when I answered, I could hear someone sobbing. It took me a while to realize that it was Mother. She just needed to talk to someone about what was going on. When I told her that I was headed out to her place to be with her, she refused to allow me to come. I'm sure she didn't want me to see her like that. Even as an adult, that really shook me up that finally something was horrible enough to cause such pain in my mother!

Well, my husband, kids, brothers, sisters, and some friends have all seen me cry at one time or another. I guess I am more like my dad in that respect. If something upset him, he would tear up. If I even think of something happening to someone I love, I tear up and start mopping away at my eyes. Tough! It's just the way I'm made. And sometimes tears are healing.

                                                                   GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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LOTS OF BIRTHDAYS

9/20/2014

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LIFE CALLS THE TUNE, WE DANCE.

John Galsworthy
(ACTUALLY THIS WAS WRITTEN SUNDAY, SEPT. 21st)

September is a special month for special people. My Jenna's birthday was Wednesday. My Cate's birthday was yesterday, and today we are having a special "early" birthday party for Little Ma. (Also, Betty M. and her son Kale are September kids).

It's odd that both of my kids were born on a Friday morning. After Dan (who was born on a Friday), I swore I would never give birth again on a Friday, because Lon had all weekend to "celebrate" while I was in the hospital. Jenna appeared on a pretty September morning about 9:50. I had gone to St. Luke's, but my doctor was over at Mercy Hospital delivering another baby, and I was told he would be there shortly. SHORTLY? Excuse me, but I wanted to have my baby out, too. It seems that now-a-days, most deliveries are pre-scheduled (C-sections), or provide the mom with so many pain-killing drugs, that it's not really what you would call natural childbirth.. As I waited for the doctor to appear, I remember the labor pains turning into the most exquisite feeling. I assumed that that was my body NATURALLY taking over to deliver this baby. But, no, I was told to suppress the instinct to push - because the doctor had not arrived. What a gyp! Anyhoo, when he did get there, he was accompanied by an intern. My doctor stood back, and proceeded to have the intern get some practice in and she delivered Jenna! By that time, I wasn't too picky who was going to assist me. Anyone would do. I was getting desperate. Any available nurse, First Year Student, Candy Striper, janitor????? As soon as she was born, Lon took one look at her delicate little face and massive mop of blonde-streaked light brown hair and startled blue eyes and said, "She's beautiful!" And that she was and that is what she is today.

My Cate was born on a beautiful September Sunday morning. Dan had called me around 10:00 the night before and said that they were headed to the hospital. By 3 o'clock in the morning, Cate was here! Dan called and said she was born with a mop of hair already, but I assumed that it was a butter blonde shade like her parents. I also expected to see her Mom and Dad's blue eyes, too. Well, early Sunday mornings were Grandpa Lonnie's weekly golf foursomes, and he told me to wait until he got home and then go see the new granddaughter with him. He didn't get home until around 11:30, so I ran into Wal-Mart and bought a blonde blue-eyed doll for her. Later, when we got to see her, I was amazed that she had a full head of black hair and green eyes. As she laid in her little incubator bed, she looked up at me and our eyes met. It was that moment when she won my heart. She just seemed to calm and content, but somewhat interested in that lady that was looking at her. What a sweetheart! (I tried doing the same thing with Abby when I first met her, but she wouldn't stay awake long enough to pay attention to her grandmother. Still, it was an incredibly sweet moment, too).

It's been nice the last few days, because Dan and his fiancé, Tammy are here to do some business and to go to the party. Speaking of which, I am going to dash and get ready for take Little Ma to church and then on to her surprise!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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JUST CHILLIN' (REALLY - IT'S COLD)

9/16/2014

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THREE THINGS DEFINE YOU . . . YOUR WORDS, YOUR ACTIONS AND YOUR ATTITUDE.

Anil Sinha

Man, is it chilly outside. I mowed at Little' Ma's, at Front Drive, and then my own yard, and the wind chill was intense. I'm hoping that the weather does a really fast turnaround, because we are having a SECRET 90th Birthday party for Little Ma next Sunday. Her birthday is in December, but we wanted a large bunch of people to come, and Nina and I were worried about December weather and risking an ice storm hitting at that time.. This way, it is still pretty out, and Little Ma needs something bright to cheer her up, since she has been felling so crummy lately. Remember, it's a secret so don't tell her if you run into her, okay?

I finally took a few pictures of the Willowtree figure collection that I have gone nuts over. Hope you like it.

Since nothing much has been going on, I feel the need to ramble, so be prepared!

I am driving Lon nuts talking about the "white" conspiracy. Has anyone noticed it other than me? I'm talking about the fact that there are so many white cars and trucks on the road. I met with Nina, Zonna, and niece Tina for lunch a while back, and I happened to notice that they all drive white vehicles. (Nina has a white car AND truck). When riding with Lon, I have the annoying habit of pointing out how many white vehicles are on the road. The last time I traveled from Dad's farm to home, I counted how many drivers I met in just that distance. Out of the 10 vehicles, 9 were white (the l0th one was the Monroe Fire Department fire truck that they were probably taking for refueling). I keep thinking that someone is putting on a party, and forgot to invite us, since Lon and I both drive red. Brother Ken has a white truck, and nephew Rob has a white PT Cruiser. Now, how many of you are going to start noticing all the "white" on the roads? Well, my job is done here, now that I have passed this annoying little bit of info onto you all. Every time you notice someone driving white, you are going to think, "Thanks ALOT, Janene!!". he he he      However, if you yourself happens to drive something white, I guess you must be part of the conspiracy, and know something that I don't.   :)

One more weird thing that I feel the need to discuss. Again with the commercials. I absolutely despise that commercial with that creepy little blonde, blue-eyed boy wearing a Swiss Alps hat and Liederhosen(?) shorts (he looks like an Indigo Child) that chirps on and on about the STROOOODLE breakfast pastry. Another real killer is the one for Famous Footwear. There is a snotty little girl with major attitude, paying for her lunch at a school cafeteria, and then prances over to the girls' table and asks if anyone is sitting there. Then she gives everyone a "mean girl" look and plops her feet (showing off her expensive Famous Footwear shoes) on top of the table. That child will probably end up behind bars or a CEO of some huge corporation.

I'll keep you in the loop about dumb/fantastic commercials, okay?

HAIR REPORT: My real hair is now approximately 1 whole inch long. However, it stays lying flat to my scalp. I even tried to comb it up for a "spiked" look, but it keeps snapping back tight. It is really thick, but still feels like petting a thick-haired dog.   Uh, not quite the look I'm going for.

Tomorrow is another Herceptin infusion day. I can't remember if it is the fifth or sixth out of 14 treatments, but all I can do is keep on keepin' on, and it will eventually be over. Look how fast all the other stuff went!

Got to see old friends Kris J. and Jeanie N. on Sunday. Kris's mom passed away and I went to the wake. I know I have talked a lot about deaths this year, but unfortunately there have been a lot of deaths this year. I did not know that Jeanie has lost HER mother in February. Dad left us in April, friend Cindy R.'s dad passed soon after that, friend Ellen died a few weeks ago, then Aunt Alberta, then Kris's mom, and also friend Kurt L. lost his mom last week.

At the wake, I got to see a lovely lady who was our Home Ec teacher in high school, Marci M, who was with her husband, David. Marcie looks amazingly young (I think she was not much older than us students), but dang! she must have great family genes. A very nice lady.

                                                                                       GOD BLESS YOU ALL



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ANOTHER 911 ANNIVERSARY

9/11/2014

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STRONG LIVES ARE MOTIVATED BY DYNAMIC PURPOSES.

Kenneth Hildebrand

When I turned on the TV this morning, the Discovery Channel was showing documentaries about 9/11/2001. Of course we all remember where we were and what we were doing when that horrible day began. I was folding clothes in the living room, and Lon was in town, waiting for the courthouse to open to get new license plates for some of the company trucks. When it all began, I called him and told him about a plane hitting the south tower. He turned on his truck radio and that's how he found out about the second plane hitting Tower ll. I still have the envelope that he had with him, where he had jotted down "second tower hit by a plane."

In the past years, I was fortunate enough to be in New York City and go to Ground Zero to see the beginnings of the new buildings. I stood behind glass windows and was able to look down . . . down . . . down to the bottom of the underground base. That was truly the beginning of the new buildings.. I also went to Pennsylvania twice, to see where Flight 93 crashed. The first time, there was no fancy memorial. The visitor center was in a big old rusty steel machine shed that just happened to be sitting on a hill overlooking the field where the plane had come down. There was an ugly gash in the ground where the plane had plunged into the earth. In the machine shed, there were chain length fences around the walls, with notes and momentos that people had left at the scene in 2001. There was a bible which had been recovered, opened to the book of KIngs. It had evidently been a possession of one of the passengers and had been found on the ground, fairly close to the impact spot, yet it didn't have a scorch mark or any burnt spots anywhere on it, and was absolutely immaculate and not damaged in any way. There were also newspaper articles and pictures displayed everywhere. The first time I was there, it was very touching. The second time I went, it had been commercialized. A building had been put up, a stone wall with all the names of the crew and passengers engraved on it had been built with a concrete walking path to get to it, and as a visual aid, a marble arch thingy had been erected that shows the flight path the plane had come in on. I guess seeing the actual gouge in the earth made it seem so much more real (on the first visit there). Now the nice building overlooks a beautiful green meadow.

If my memory is correct, tomorrow is also an anniversary.

Happy 70th Anniversary, Mother and Dad.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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EACH DAY IS MAGICAL

9/8/2014

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WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING, ARM YOURSELF WITH DETERMINATION THAT "TODAY I WILL MAKE MAGIC HAPPEN".

                                                                 Anil Sinha

Opps, it's been a while since I posted. Life has a way of getting in the way. It's not as though I have been doing anything exceptionally important. Just trying to keep the messes under control and still enjoy the pretty weather. I spent 2 1/2 hours yesterday afternoon mowing the shop. It really looks pretty good now, and with the cooler weather, it may start to go dormant and that will slow the growth.

We have been tending to our Little Ma, as she is not feeling at all well. Her leg injury has cleared up for the most part, but now she is having trouble keeping any food down. She has a doctor's appointment this morning, so maybe we will find out more.

Aunt Alberta's funeral was Thursday, and it was a lovely service. Again, the joining together of the relatives that I hadn't seen in a long time. The funeral reminded me that it was time to change out the flowers on Mom and Dad's grave. I change them for each season. I put up a big wreath of fall colored flowers and leaves and then put two big bushes of artificial SUNFLOWERS in the marble vases on their headstone. It looked so much better being all bright and colorful.

I have been doing quite well in the health department which is normal, since all the bad, tough stuff is behind me and I am busy being a survivor instead of a person with cancer. I did have a splitting headache yesterday, but I think that is because I am again trying to get off the darn Diet Pepsi, and when you stop getting the caffeine, it makes you have a headache.

My latest hair report is that the salt-and-pepper color has now segued into silver!! Lon assures me that I can try and dye my hair (when I get enough to do that), but my hair has always been resillent and the one time I did try some "permanent" hair color, it just washed out with the next few shampoos and didn't sink in to the hair follicles. Again, I am Tephlon Woman. Also, the length is SLOOOOWWWWLY coming along, but wow, is it thick. It looks like a silvery mat on my head. There is a hint of a wave, which is encouraging.

My darling Jenna put a COMMENT on the last post, regarding her father's and my - uh - dancing skills. It seems that after all these years, she is remorseful about having laughed at her parents' dance-floor techniques. Well, Jen, sometimes the truth stings a little, and I am very aware that you and Dan knew what you were talking about when you critiqued our leaping/ running/ swirling/kicking-in-the-air style. So don't worry about it. (However, I like the fact that I can still create a guilt-trip on my kids - - - Oh, crap! Did I just say that out loud??)

I was cleaning out a closet the other day and found a complete set of bedding in yellow and white gingham print. It was taking up a lot of space, so I did the only thing I could think of. I called Jenna and asked her if she wanted it for her extra bedroom. AHA!!! She took the bait, and now I have more closet space. She e-mailed me a picture of the room with the new bedding on the bed and it looks nice. I have always loved the color yellow - but Jen, not so much.  So when Jenna sent me pictures of the new paint job she did in her kitchen - yellow, I knew at some point in our lives, we all somewhat become our mothers., Well, meet Jenna/Janene. Actually, she did a very nice job and it was a very good choice. Her kitchen is huge and needed a bright, airy color. NOTE: However, if I notice that the bathroom, and Alec's room, and the hallway and the living room, and her room, and the family room, (you get the idea) all become "yellow" areas, I may be calling on some of you to help with a "Color Wheel Intervention".

Talk about having a "magical" day. I just looked down and realized I had a nice, cold Diet Pepsi in my hand! Drat!!!! How did that happen?????

                                                                      GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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COMMENTING ON POST COMMENTS

9/2/2014

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I CRIED BECAUSE I HAD NO SHOES, THEN I MET A MAN WHO HAD NO FEET.

Mahatma Gandhi

I received some comments on the last post, that I wish to . . . well . . . comment on. Sister Karen informed me that she purchased her wedding dress (($14.95) the DAY BEFORE SHE GOT MARRIED!! She also put on a very nice wedding using a shoestring budget. After what - 46 years? - she and Ray-Ray are still happily married. That just goes to show you not to complain about the simple things, 'cause somebody is going come along and have things even more simple and basic than you. ( old Mahatma was right!)

Betty C. commented that she and Doug were also married on a Friday!! I did not remember that even though I was in the wedding. I do remember that it was one of the foggiest March evenings in history!! (Betty said that she also found out that her parents had married on the same date as she and Doug, which is also a good sign). Anyhoo, if you are planning a wedding, you might consider a Friday as being lucky. :)

Alas, I have to report another death in the family. My Dad's younger sister, Alberta, passed away yesterday. She apparently had a stroke on the 29th of August, was paralyzed, unable to swallow, and had a blood clot in her brain. Sounds dangerously somewhat like what Dad went through. That makes four siblings gone in the last three years - Bob, Short (Darwin), Dad, and Alberta. How sad.

Friday night's shindig was a blast! The wedding reception for Matt and Kristin was beautiful and I got to see a lot of family members. Tina had commented that since Nina and I are klutzes (both of us do "The Nina") it might have been trouble for us to go out on the dance floor and "cut a rug". So, I stayed firmly in my seat. I think Nina hit the dance floor a few times, but Lon and I don't dance at all anymore. I think that is because the last time we danced together, both of our kids were watching, and the look of horror, shock, and embarrassment on their faces was enough to make us aware that that we are pathetic dancers and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a band, a DJ, or a dance floor. I kinda resemble the dance moves of Elaine from the old Seinfeld Show. I guess I must jerk and kick spasmatically while whirling and prancing around. EWWWWW - - - I guess the kids WERE right. (I'm blushing now). Lon's only problem is, he wants to dance at mach speed. Since I am so much shorter than him, I would just hang on for dear life and RUN RUN RUN!!! When he would spin me around, it was like centrifugal force was whipping me out away from him. We did have so much fun, - - - until we found out how geeky we looked. Oh, well, we are getting old enough that we don't want to risk having an accident and breaking a hip.

I am so excited! I finally get a new vehicle tomorrow!! I think after 12 years and 148,000 miles, my old red Explorer is now officially an "Exploder", and needs to be put out to pasture. My new SUV is - uh- well, it's a red Explorer. Sounds like I'm kinda in a rut, right? Come to think of it, my SUV BEFORE my last one, was also an Explorer, but green.

Anyhoo, I will be doing the happy dance tomorrow - even if I look like "Elaine" while I'm doing it!!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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