Remy from "RATATOUILLE"
Wow. Talk about a kick in the head! We are still trying to process the fact that Dad is really gone. We have all been praying for peace for him and now that he has it, it's comforting yet scary. None of us wanted him to go on living so lonely and angry and heartsick for Mother. He was truly so homesick for her, he could not enjoy anything in life. So, there you have it. It was meant to be. The tough part is, that I was planning to go to The Club after supper on Sunday night to see him, and brother Ken called and scolded me for doing too much (his words, not mine) and that I should just stay home and get some rest. (Please note I am NOT blaming Ken for keeping me at home - he was only thinking of my welfare and nobody could have ever guessed what was going to happen). Since we talked for an hour, it was late enough by that time, that I figured the nurse would have given Dad his Tylenol that he took at night to help him sleep. Shoulda - woulda - coulda. It is what it is. I can't change a thing now. But I still get a little tingle of excitement when I think what he must be doing right now, and how it must wonderful to be with Mother and his parents and brothers. Heavenly, I guess.
I have gotten some wonderful, thoughtful comments on this blog. I am thankful for them all, some bringing a tear to my eyes, and then there is Sandi F. who made a wonderful observation - that Dad is happy that he doesn't have to go back to be with those "old" people. That made me laugh out loud.
Sis-in-law Jill and I got a lot done today. We went out to the farm and gathered as many old pictures as we could find of Dad, so that the funeral home can make a montage video to show on a big screen, with really pretty music playing in the background. It depicts the different times of his life. We did our best, so I hope it goes well. We also went and ordered cookies and doughnuts for the reception afterward. I was planning on going shopping tomorrow to get something new to wear for the services. However, I looked in my closet and found a sleeveless black dress that I bought last year. I have a black jacket that is the same brand, so I could wear that over it. The good news is that I finally fit into it. When I wore it last year to a wedding, I could hardly get the zipper up and it was pretty snug. Now it's kinda loose. Perhaps I'll just wear that.
I have been working on the eulogy. Ten years ago, when our mother was so sick, I remember getting up in the middle of the night and typing out some things that were running through my mind. I couldn't sleep until I had finished it. That ended up being what I read at her funeral a few days later. Last week, the same urge came over me. I got up in the middle of the night, went to my office, and began to type. I still have some work to do on it, but guess what? . . . that is going to be what I read at Dad's services.
On a much lighter note, I have found myself playing with my hair (I still have approximately 5% of my original amount). After taking a shower the other day, I had fun blow drying my spunky little sprouts. It was interesting to part it in the middle and fluff out a thin layer around my head. Then I combed it straight back, and it sprung up kinda like a see-through halo-like layer. I know it's useless to try and retain what little I have, since there will be one more chemo session that will probably kick butt on my last 5%, before regrowth can finally have a chance to start for good.
.My darling husband pulled a real good one the other day. I was wearing a scarf around my head and I happened to have one of the few of my remaining strands poke out. Lon absent-mindedly reached out and plucked it!!! I couldn't believe that he was removing one of the last seven or eight hairs that I had left. We had a good laugh about it.
I am so sorry for not getting to see our Kalina dressed up for the Prom the other night. I also wasn't aware that her grandparents, Betty and Larry just had their 50th anniversary. Way to go, you guys! Sorry if I am missing things that I shouldn't be. Remember, I'm still dizzy-headed lately and am still walking to the right ...right...right.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL