Blog Archives

WE ARE GETTING BACK UP AFTER BEING KNOCKED OFF OUR FEET

4/30/2014

THE ONLY THING PREDICTABLE ABOUT LIFE IS ITS UNPREDICTABILITY.

                                                                        Remy from "RATATOUILLE"

Wow.        Talk about a kick in the head! We are still trying to process the fact that Dad is really gone. We have all been praying for peace for him and now that he has it, it's comforting yet scary. None of us wanted him to go on living so lonely and angry and heartsick for Mother. He was truly so homesick for her, he could not enjoy anything in life. So, there you have it. It was meant to be. The tough part is, that I was planning to go to The Club after supper on Sunday night to see him, and brother Ken called and scolded me for doing too much (his words, not mine) and that I should just stay home and get some rest. (Please note I am NOT blaming Ken for keeping me at home - he was only thinking of my welfare and nobody could have ever guessed what was going to happen). Since we talked for an hour, it was late enough by that time, that I figured the nurse would have given Dad his Tylenol that he took at night to help him sleep.       Shoulda - woulda - coulda. It is what it is. I can't change a thing now. But I still get a little tingle of excitement when I think what he must be doing right now, and how it must wonderful to be with Mother and his parents and brothers. Heavenly, I guess.

I have gotten some wonderful, thoughtful comments on this blog. I am thankful for them all, some bringing a tear to my eyes, and then there is Sandi F. who made a wonderful observation - that Dad is happy that he doesn't have to go back to be with those "old" people. That made me laugh out loud.

Sis-in-law Jill and I got a lot done today. We went out to the farm and gathered as many old pictures as we could find of Dad, so that the funeral home can make a montage video to show on a big screen, with really pretty music playing in the background. It depicts the different times of his life. We did our best, so I hope it goes well. We also went and ordered cookies and doughnuts for the reception afterward. I was planning on going shopping tomorrow to get something new to wear for the services. However, I looked in my closet and found a sleeveless black dress that I bought last year. I have a black jacket that is the same brand, so I could wear that over it. The good news is that I finally fit into it. When I wore it last year to a wedding, I could hardly get the zipper up and it was pretty snug. Now it's kinda loose. Perhaps I'll just wear that.

I have been working on the eulogy. Ten years ago, when our mother was so sick, I remember getting up in the middle of the night and typing out some things that were running through my mind. I couldn't sleep until I had finished it. That ended up being what I read at her funeral a few days later. Last week, the same urge came over me. I got up in the middle of the night, went to my office, and began to type. I still have some work to do on it, but guess what? . . . that is going to be what I read at Dad's services.

On a much lighter note, I have found myself playing with my hair (I still have approximately 5% of my original amount). After taking a shower the other day, I had fun blow drying my spunky little sprouts. It was interesting to part it in the middle and fluff out a thin layer around my head. Then I combed it straight back, and it sprung up kinda like a see-through halo-like layer. I know it's useless to try and retain what little I have, since there will be one more chemo session that will probably kick butt on my last 5%, before regrowth can finally have a chance to start for good.

.My darling husband pulled a real good one the other day. I was wearing a scarf around my head and I happened to have one of the few of my  remaining strands poke out. Lon absent-mindedly reached out and plucked it!!! I couldn't believe that he was removing one of the last seven or eight hairs that I had left. We had a good laugh about it.

I am so sorry for not getting to see our Kalina dressed up for the Prom the other night. I also wasn't aware that her grandparents, Betty and Larry just had their 50th anniversary. Way to go, you guys! Sorry if I am missing things that I shouldn't be. Remember, I'm still dizzy-headed lately and am still walking to the right ...right...right.

                                                                         GOD BLESS YOU ALL

1 Comment

MY HEART IS A LITTLE BROKEN THIS MORNING

4/29/2014

5 Comments

This has already been a very sad day. Dad passed away about 6:00 this morning from a brain aneurysm.

The nurse at Meadowview checked him at midnight and he was sleeping sound and snoring loudly. When they checked on him at 3:00, he was evidently having some breathing issues. They don't think he ever really woke up.

Yes, our "Ger" MacGyver succeeded in the ultimate escape from this world, and hopefully into Mother's and God's arms.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL . . AND ESPECIALLY OUR DAD KENNETH TED PAUL

5 Comments

MY FACE IS A BLANK CANVAS

4/26/2014

1 Comment

OUR FATE LIES WITHIN US, YOU ONLY HAVE TO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO SEE IT.

                                                                                           Princess Merida from "BRAVE"

This morning after I had applied make-up, I put everything away and then realized that I had forgotten to pencil in the scattered hairs that make up my eyebrows. I had already put on the semi-tan liquid make-up, a whisper of blush, and outlined my eyes. You kinda have to do that if you want any details to show up on your face when you resemble a ghost face. I was amazed to see I have definitely got some sprouts of eyelashes going so I brushed on mascara.

But as I drew on the eyebrows, it made me chuckle to remember a story that a friend of mine told me a few years back. She is the sweetest, nicest, and the (I am going to stress this first ) MOST VERY, VERY HONEST! person you could ever know.

I'll call her Lucy to protect the innocent. Lucy aways took very good care of herself, but she had one fetish. She wanted her eyebrows to be perfect. She groomed and tweezed them carefully and consistently. Then one horrible stormy winter day, her tweezers broke. (This is a true story, but I still don't know how a 90 pound woman can break a pair of tweezers - or any person, for that matter! :) Anyhoo, although it was blizzardy outside, Lucy convinced her husband to take her into the HyVee Drugstore for some very important stuff. Being the nice guy that he was, he fired up the 4-wheel drive truck and braved the terrible storm, and managed to get her there.

While Lucy went into the store by herself, her husband patiently waited for her in the truck. Lucy went to the cosmetic aisle, and low and behold! - there was a huge section of nothing but tweezers. As Lucy checked them out, she began to realize that although there were hundreds of tweezers hanging neatly on the display, they all appeared to be the very same style. But NOT HER style! As she pulled one after another off the hooks, to hopefully find one that was what she wanted, she became frustrated. Putting everything back, Lucy headed for the parking lot to go home. After she left the store, a young, pimply faced assistant something-or -other stopped her outside, asked her to return to the store, and then wanted to look in her purse! What tha???? His excuse was that he thought that she had filched a pair of their crummy tweezers! Now, Lucy and her husband entertain a lot, and always put on huge spreads of food, snacks, and drinks, and she consistently spent several hundred dollars weekly in that particular store. She kinda went into shock, that someone in a store where she was a good customer and regularly spent a lot of money, would have the nerve to accuse her of swiping a pair of tweezers. She took the kid back to the cosmetic section and showed his exactly what her motions were when checking out their products. After she gave him a piece of her mind, he finally let her go, but I wonder if he kept his job, when the higher-ups realized that he had severely insulted one very good customer who vowed not to shop there again.    P.S. But, oh, how miffed her husband was when he found out that he had braved a wintery storm to go buy a pair a tweezers, and then ended up coming home empty-handed. LOL

A couple of nights ago, Nina and daughter Holly stopped and brought me some rubber molds. They thought perhaps I could freeze something like Diet Pepsi (yes, I can drink that occasionally now) or orange juice, or anything that won't make me nauseous, when I do my very last chemo on May 7th. The silly part is, that ugly time that I am dreading lasts only ten minutes. Whatever. It has to be done.

Even talking about sucking on those popsicles or ice blocks made me have to take a Larazipam for nausea. Talk about a wimp. My point is that Nina and Holly are always thinking of ways to make the path easier for me and I truly appreciate it. Note to some of my friends who have been making comments: Betty C., I am taking daily naps so you won't have to scold me, and Sandi F., you are getting to be my head Cheerleader. Thanks to all you guys for your encouragement. We are almost there. The end is in sight. Love ya extra much, Jenna and sister Sandy for all your support. Muuahhh!

                                                                        GOD BLESS YOU ALL

1 Comment

A NICE FIELD TRIP TODAY

4/24/2014

0 Comments

GRANDKIDS -   SQUEEZE 'EM UP, SUGAR 'EM UP, SEND THEM HOME.

I have no clue who said that, but I found a neat wall thingy with that written on it and I thought I would pass it along.

Yes, Dad and I had a nice field trip today. He called around 8 AM and told me he had some errands to run and I was driving!  Yes, I caved but since I was in the middle of cooking chicken for noodles, I told him I would pick him up at 10:30. This is the first time that I have attempted to take him out and about. I was nervous that he might run away from me, so I told him I was the boss today, and that he had to mind me. Well, that didn't go over so well. He informed me that HE was doing the bossing. However, he did mind his manners and didn't try to get away from me. Around 9:30 I got a call from The Club asking me if someone was really coming to take Dad for a few hours. Apparently he was sitting by the security doors with his coat on, waiting for me. All in all, we went to the bank, ate lunch at Burger King, got his hair cut by his usual barber, drove past Jenna's house so he could see where she lived now, then went to my house so he could see how nice his truck turned out after being repaired. When we got back to The Club, I gave him a photo album that I have started sticking pictures in and told he could look at that when I left. He was really eager to look at it, plus he said he needed a nap. Me too. I'm telling all my siblings to pony up some old and new snapshots to fill up some albums, because he seems to enjoy looking at them.

Years ago, I heard about a woman who wrote a book entitled "I'M DANCING AS FAST AS I CAN". I'm not sure what it was about, but the title certainly fits the last few weeks. I am so happy to be able to use my arms again, but there seems to be soooo much cleaning to do. It kinda snuck up on me, but no matter what I do, I can't wait to get started on another project. I was hoping I could get the carpet cleaners here tomorrow, but they can't come until Monday unless they get a cancellation. It's supposed to be 71 degrees and sunny tomorrow and would be a perfect day for such a project. I am crossing my figures for a cancellation out there.

Good night! I'm hitting the sack!

                                                                              GOD BLESS YOU ALL

0 Comments

I THINK THE STEROIDS ARE GETTING TO ME

4/23/2014

1 Comment

I ACCEPT REALITY AND DARE NOT QUESTION IT.

                                                       Walt Whitman

I was just sitting here thinking that MY reality today is that I am becoming angry. Weird, huh? I have noticed that in the last few weeks that I am becoming kinda snotty and snippy. I am attributing that to this to the two post-mastectomy  treatments of the "preventative" chemo. What I can't figure out is that this is supposed to be the clean-up, end-of-the hard-job process. I know there are steroids involved which probably can change your personality. Well, I had to stop at the bank yesterday. While there, I told the teller that waited on me to please tell Chrystal F.(Chrystal was at another branch) that I was sorry that I had been snippy to her on a previous visit. I find myself getting very impatient with sales clerks, fellow drivers on the road (no Road-Rage yet, though), and even poor Lon. I had to apologize for snapping at him for absolutely nothing the other day. I also find myself becoming more clumsy, especially when the Virtigo has me walking to the right - right - right. Spinning rooms are not my favorite thing! I also find myself getting so very tired but I am sleeping a lot more, which my friends are encouraging. Not only taking naps, but going to bed earlier.

I am fully aware that all of this will pass, but it bums me out that I am so critical of other people. When you would just like to snap someone in two like a dry twig, you know the drugs are affecting your personality. Fortunately, my anger is 99% directed at strangers. It's the poor guy I live with that gets what's left over.

Things have calmed down a bit with Dad. I had to go sign some more papers for him at The Club yesterday, and then had a visit with him before going to retrieve Mr. Alec after school. Dad seems quieter but still insists that he is supposed to be in a different building where there are apartments. We had shown him Summit Point in Marion prior to picking the place he is at, and I think he remembers that. It was large, spacious with his own kitchen and living room, plus bedroom and bath. But he didn't want to go there because he thought it was too fancy. NOW he thinks that is where he should be. Oy vey. He is not wearing the cotton slacks we got him. He is wearing his old bibbies. I need to stop at Theisen's today and pick him up some new ones. If that is what he wants, that's what he will get.

I am making a promise to myself to try to restrain myself from being such a snotty, crabby person from now on. Think it will work?    Hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!                ;)

                                                                       GOD BLESS YOU ALL

1 Comment

SPRING?

4/21/2014

0 Comments

IF YOU WANT TO LIFT YOURSELF UP, LIFT UP SOMEONE ELSE,

Booker T. Washington

Is it possible? Has a few minutes of Spring arrived? Whoo hoo. I can't remember the last nice, warm Easter Day. We went over to Nina's for lunch and her granddaughters had fun with an Easter Egg Hunt. Then Jenna and Alec came out and rode the 4-wheeler (without getting freezing wind burn).

After church, I went to visit Dad at The Club and took him some homemade fudge. He was just dozing in his chair. Since it was lunchtime, I tried to convince him to go to the dining room for something to eat. He refused, saying his throat hurt (thyroid problems he says) and his stomach wasn;t feeling the best. After much coaxing by me and one of the nurses, they just finally brought him in a tray of applesauce and soup, with juice, which he did not eat. He began to talk a lot about when he was in his thirties and all the things that went on when he worked at Iowa Manufacturing in C.R. Interesting. I finally left, when I realized that nephew Mark was coming to get him around 4PM to take him to his Dad's for Easter.

I have been getting wonderful encouragement to strengthen me up for the last chemo session coming up in a few weeks. I keep thinking about what I went through the M.R.I experience and how incredibly awful it was, and somehow that keeps bugging me, I know I only have to tough through ten minutes of the freezer-pop/ice cubes experience, but it is still creeping me out. Ten minutes. TEN MEASELY MINUTES. You guys must all be saying thinking that this is one of the weirdest things to fuss about. Throughout all the chemo treatments, I had only had to take three or four nausea pills and then, that only happened when I had a very slight indication that I felt queasy. Now, whenever I think about the dreaded popsicles or ice cubes, I fell crappy and have taken them more often. what a wimp

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. All in all, mine went pretty darn good. Well, get out there and enjoy the nice warm weather. Me, I'm going to start thinking about where I am going to plant some stuff. I will be transplanting some more of the hostas from the farm. I started hauling some home last year, since the beds at Dad's are too crowded but I have plenty of yard space to get more going here at home. Nice

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

0 Comments

WHAT A YEAR, SO FAR

4/19/2014

2 Comments

I CAN'T CHANGE THE DIRECTION OF THE WIND, BUT I CAN ADJUST MY SAILS TO ALWAYS REACH MY DESTINATION.

Jimmy Dean

At the end of every year, optimistic sister Sandy always assures everyone that the upcoming year will be so much better than the previous one. Sandy, I beg to differ on this one. :)

It's a quiet morning . . . so far. I am feeling a little different after Wednesday's chemo treatment. I was told that this "after surgery" concoction would be different and more difficult from the first 4 sessions, which is hard to understand since this stuff now is just for preventative measures and not the hard-core "kill the cancer" formula. I am getting so the thought of food is nauseating, but then I get nauseated from NOT eating food. My hair is down to about 10% of its original amount and my nails are chipping and cracking more. I have been so tired the last day or so. I took a 3 1/2 hour nap yesterday and then went to bed early. At Wednesday's treatment, they had me put ice chips in my mouth for the one push that they injected in the Power Port in my chest. Now the thought of ice cubes makes my stomach churn. It's funny that I have used my mind-over-matter resources for months, and now some silly little insignificant things are making me fear the last treatment on May 7th.

Got to talk to friend Sandy R. from Georgia last evening. That really cheered me up. We still pick up our conversation from the previous call and keep on going. It was funny that some of our talk was about when we will sign up for Social Security. Dang, we's old, girl!!

Hey, Tina's daughter, Kalina, got picked to be on the Prom Court at school! That is very nice news to hear. She is a sweetie . . and beautiful to boot!

I didn't hear from Dad yesterday. I was going full steam with errands and such and then sleeping, as I mentioned before, so I didn't call him. He didn't call me once, so maybe he is starting to make friends with the other "oldies". We can only hope. I'm crossing my fingers

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

2 Comments

LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE TALE

4/16/2014

4 Comments

IF YOUR "PLAN A" DOESN'T WORK, THE ALPHABET HAS 25 MORE LETTTERS. STAY COOL.

Does anyone remember the old "MacGyver" TV. show where a man cleverly solved all kinds of dilemmas with simple items, ie: a paperclip, a rubber band, possibly a shoelace?

Let me tell you a little "fictional" tale about Old Geriatric MacGyver. Let's call him "Ger" for short.

Ger became ill and his family had to place him in a very nice, safe environment where he could be taken care of 24 hours a day. One evening, Ger decided he knew what was best for himself and since he felt that he was so much younger than everyone else that lived in his nice, safe building, and he didn't feel like making friends with them, that he would just leave. He did not understand that once he left, he would be in danger of falling or getting lost or any of several other things.

Ger had a special strap on his ankle that would set off alarms if he tried to leave the building. So Ger took out his key ring and began to saw away at the strap with one of his keys. He worked and worked and finally it gave way! He was free! Now it was time to escape. Ger looked up and down the hallway outside his room. He began to make his way to the big double doors with the special security alarms. There was a few people who had been visiting someone in the building. As they were allowed to leave through the special door, Ger mingled with the group and slipped out, too. He walked up the street to a gas station on the corner. He went in and asked the clerk if he would call for a cab. The cab arrived and took Ger way out in the country to where he had lived before.

One of Ger's children decided to give him a call and see how he was doing. How surprised she was when he said he was doing GREAT! because he had gotten back to his old home. Soon everyone knew that Ger had escaped from his safe house. After much ado involving the Head Nurse from the safe house, some of his children and a grandchild, he was finally convinced to return to the safe home. The End

I hope you enjoyed this "fictional" story, but let this be a warning to all of you with loved ones in care centers. They are clever, crafty little buggers and may try the very same thing that Ger did.

I am about to leave for "SECOND TO THE LAST CHEMO TREATMENT!! Yaaaah! Would you be surprised to learn that the one thing I am dreading about today's session - is the fact that I have to eat frozen popsicles for about 10 minutes during one part, . This is to contract or constrict the pores/cells in my mouth so the medicine bypasses it. If my mouth wasn't cold, the medicine could enter pores in my mouth and cause sores to develop. For some reason, the thought of eating those sickeningly sweet things turns my stomach. Whatever.

Anyhoo, got to go.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

4 Comments

YES, WE WILL GET THROUGH EVERYTHING AND COME OUT IN ONE PIECE

4/14/2014

1 Comment

THERE ARE FOUR RULES FOR MIRACULOUS WORK CREATION:   BE POSITIVE. SEND LOVE. HAVE FUN. KISS ASS.    AMEN

                                                     Marianne Williamson

How lovely to hear from my sweet daughter on our blog again. Such wonderful thoughts, Thank you, Jen Wren.

All in all, this hasn't been such a trying day. I DID find a dollar bill in the washing machine when I was doing laundry. Whoo Hoo! Things are looking up. Do you suppose if I look hard enough, I can find about a million more in there? :)

I spent most of the day in my office. I was getting lots of phone calls. Must be popular today. I had to finish my First Quarter Report for the company, prepare my Workmans Comp. Annual Audit which is Thursday, then crunch some figures for Dad's situation. I also did a lot of work on the computer. Anyway, the day just flew by. I have a list of stuff I need to do tomorrow. Sure hope the sun comes out. It makes being out and about much nicer.

Dad called me three times today. At 11:30 AM he was chipper and talkative. He told me what he had for breakfast and said he had been eating at a table with some other men. (Still won't talk to the ladies - remember, they are too OLD for him). He talked a lot about what his plans are when he gets to leave The Club. He wants to get out and mow his yard even if it is too short to cut yet. All in all, he was pretty good. When it was nearly noon, I mentioned something about it almost being time to eat lunch. Well, by golly, he agreed with me and said he hadn't realized that it was about that time. Just then, someone came to his door and told him lunch was ready, and he seemed eager to hang up and go join the other guys.

Early evening he called me. The "Sundowner Syndrome" was hitting him. He said he had had just macaroni and cheese and half a glass of chocolate milk. ???? I know they serve well balanced meals, so there must be more to that than we know. He was very anxious about getting back to the farm to burn rubbish, and work on his tractors and mow the yard. I was also told since his "two weeks"(?) was almost up for staying there, if we didn't get him out of there, he would call the sheriff. I could really tell a difference in his personality in just those few hours between noon and five-ish.   Later when I was fixing supper, he called and asked if I was at The Club. He had been dozing in his recliner, and he thought that I had called out his name. When I told him I was home, he said he was going to call sis-in-law Jill and see if she had been there calling out for him.

Yes, folks, these are the days of our lives. Each day seems to bring it's own little interesting twist. - something unexpected. I have seen how things seem to be heating up for a lot of people lately, so don't think that I am feeling that this is all about my family. There are some real doozies of situations that others are going through and I should thank my lucky stars that things seem to be going so smoothly concerning so many aspects of my life. These darn golden years are a lot of work, if you ask me, but what else is new?

                                                                        GOD BLESS YOU ALL

1 Comment

From Jenna...

4/14/2014

0 Comments

I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for your support of Madre since this began in November. I can't believe how quickly this has all transpired and how well Mom has done. YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!

She told me the other day how much this blog, connecting with people, and being able to write about her experience has helped her through all of this. It has kept her positive through what was a very scary experience - and all of your support made her really feel how important she, and her health, are to all of us.

Thank you for circling your wagons around her and helping her through this time.

2nd of the 3 chemos is Wednesday - one more to go!!

Love you, Madre!

0 Comments

<<Previous

Archives

Janene...