Are any of you thinking that this whole experience that I'm going through is a piece of cake? That is the impression I may be giving people. I'm a little confused. I am open to anyone's opinion of my words on this blog. It seems that my posts have gotten sugary sweet and evidently I'm making it sound like I am glossing over the hard truths.
Well, I'm not sure if you are interested but here's some of the facts that I don't bother to mention. . . every time I comb or gently brush my hair, my scalp burns. It's like if your scalp was very sunburned. Weird. I have to be very careful not to bump my toes into anything because the edges of my toenails feel like razorblades. If it weren't for the Imodium, I would definitely be housebound. I wake up constantly in the night, and disturbing dreams are pretty much expected when I go to bed. I am edgy and a little more impatient than I have ever been. Just ask my husband. He tells me that I can be snappish once in a while. I tire easily, and find myself wrapping up in a nice, warm blanket at some point of every day. I go through a series of chills running through my body over and over again, day or night. My skin is getting so dry, sometimes it hurts to be touched.
These are just of a few of the symptoms that are a result of the chemo. It happens. It's just a fact that I can't get around. It's something that I deal with and don't really think about.
The person who thought I was getting saccharin sweet, was teasing me and has nothing but the most sincere good wishes for me. Perhaps I need to be more honest, tough, and gritty when it comes to describing the day to day stuff that's happening. And it is probably true that I have described so many of the good things happening to me, and neglected to tell some of the true facts about what it feels like to have cancer. None of this is fun, but it IS do-able. There is no other choice than to dig down deep and get on getting-on.
The last chemo before surgery is February 3rd, and I'm not even thinking about that yet. It does no good to stew about something that is going to help save my life. It is not a scary thing to have to go through and I don't want people to think you have to been super brave to go through it. I am finding lots of people who are having similar experiences with infusions and they don't make a big deal about it.
(Raise you hand if you think that Little Miss Sunshine is in a pissy mood.) Well, MY hand's in the air.
The quote from John Lennon has always been one of my favorites. It's true - I was making far different plans than what I got stuck with, but it's part of life. I'll just have to make a few adjustments in my future plans.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL