The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places.
Ernest Hemingway
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I AM OKAAAAY!

12/28/2013

4 Comments

 
First off, I want to say THANKS! for the prayers I am receiving, because I'm here to tell you all, that they are working!  It appears that the tumor is shrinking already, just after two treatments.

It's going to be 2 1/2 weeks before next round of chemo, so I don't have much to report, except my family is really keeping a close watch on me. I watched Alec for a few hours yesterday and Lon ended up calling me three times. Then Alec and I slipped into Goodwill for a few minutes and I left my cellphone in the truck. Unfortunately, I missed a call from Kelly, who was going to meet me to pick up Al. When she couldn't get ahold of me, Lon was leaving messages, Jenna was dashing home on her lunch hour to see why I couldn't be reached, and Kelly was wondering where in the heck I was. LOL. I suppose they all thought I was floundering on the floor of the basement, unable to get up. Anyhoo, it worked out and we all got on the same page.

Jenna sent home some of her delicious homemade chili for our supper. She is constantly trying to think of things to make life easier for me. I don't know what I would do without her.

Since there's not much going on at this time, I was looking through some of my notes from the very beginning of this situation. It's amazing how down I was at first, and how things are turning around so fast. I am really feeling good and upbeat and ready to get on with this.

BUT, this is the way I felt at first, and I'm sure there are a lot of people who have experienced the same feelings. Just be assured, if you are going through something like this, it will get better. 

                                                                       DAMP GRAY                                                                                                                       

                                               (and my list of Fifty Shades of Gray - well, maybe not 50!)




When this all started, I woke up each day with such an odd feeling. I can only describe it as "DAMP GRAY". Damp gray feels like sadness, worry, and despair. It makes me think of a dark gray mist covering up the sun, blanketing the warm earth in a thick, gloomy layer,and hiding the green trees. Damp gray is a heavy, dreary experience like no other and I dreaded facing it each day. Every morning, I would go about the task of shaking off those thoughts because I knew that the sun and warm earth and trees were waiting for me somewhere, just behind the mist. They always have and they always will. I just have to believe that.

Then I decided to list my favorite shades of gray, which is a much happier experience.

1.   Pewter gray - strong and distinguished

2.   Soft gray - how the fur on a fat cat looks, complete with pure white patches on its paws

3.   Silver gray - my husband's hair now (it used to be rich, glossy brown - curly, too!)

4.   Floaty gray - that marvelous color on the underside of clouds, telling me rain is coming

5.   Stiff gray - the color of my late Grandpa Paul's bushy coarse eyebrows

6.   Pearl gray - the iridescent color of the claim shells along the Mississippi River bank at Guttenberg

7.   Plaid gray - a gray and yellow plaid wool straight skirt that I had in high school and absolutely loved. I wore

      it with soft yellow sweater and thought I was really something!

8.   Putty gray - a reminder that there may be repairs needed somewhere (to have something to work on is a

      good feeling)

9.   Warm gray - that special eye color that some lucky people have - they look so thoughtful and intelligent

10.  Package gray - the classy look of shiny gray ribbon wrapped around a gift and then tied into a bow

11.  Lacquer gray - whoo whoo! Our 1971 Ford Torino - one of the first shiny gray cars that came out around

       the early 70's. It had beautiful red/orange/yellow racing stripes down both sides. A Mack truck ran a red

       light and demolished it (I was okay, but the car was only a year old - so young to die) sob

12.  Lavender gray - the color of the satin dress Jenna wore in her cousin Summer's wedding. P.S. They both

       looked beautiful

13.  Dove gray - reminds me of the dressy gloves that women of an earlier era wore to their ladies' club

       meetings (Mother belonged to Missionary Club and the You-Go-I-Go Club. In later years, she received

       her much beloved and sought-after membership to the Alburnett Book Club. There was a strict limit of 12

       members, therefore an opening only came up when someone moved away or died, and no one was

       readily willing to do either so it was amazing when you got to be a member - unless it was the "lady

       passing" part.

14.  Grayish blue - the color of some of husband's marbles from his childhood

15.  Dapple gray - love the look of a horse with splotches of gray and white

Okay, I only have fifteen shades of gray that I really enjoy. But I've got a lot of years ahead of me and I'm sure I can find more to add to the list. Stay tuned.




Hope anyone reading this does not think I have gone completely Looney Tunes, but rambling here at the keyboard is a real stress buster. Some of this stuff I'm writing may sound kinda kookie, but ... it is what it is.





4 Comments
Judith Schatzle link
12/29/2013 03:34:54 am

I guess I didn't realize that I could make a comment. DUH!! Baby Sister, you have always been there for me and I am willing to do anything for you. Just let me know. Love ya!

Reply
Betty McBurney
12/29/2013 09:25:03 am

I know you were really down when you first found out about your cancer and I was so glad Lonnie called me and I could try to help you and your family. It really helps to have someone to ask questions that has been through it. I sent messages to Patti Derby Lubbock (I hope I spelled that correctly) and another friend of mine that had been through cancer. I really do not know what we would do without our husbands, I give Larry my MENTOR AWARD because he was right there with me all the time. He was always so strong 15 years ago when he had cancer. I know Lonnie has been by your side the whole time also. I was so happy to see you the other night and I could tell your attitude was so positive and you seemed so upbeat. You are strong and you will make it through all of this. Thank God for our family to be by our sides. I would of never made it without them helping me out. Faith, Family and Friends are so important. Remember I am here anytime you feel like talking or want to head North!!!! I love your 15 shades of Gray!!

Reply
Sandi Friedrich
12/29/2013 10:36:42 am

Janene and Jenna, Thanks so much for sharing this journey. You are constantly in my prayers and I know that God is working through the chemo and your positive attitudes. Remember - "You're an Overcomer"! Love you much !

Reply
ninawilliams
1/9/2014 12:34:08 pm

Remember me telling you to think Gray? Wow you really did! I like it! Ok I know it had nothing to do with my comment but made me think of it. Someday your writing is going to be published, you definitely have a talent!

Reply



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    Janene...

    ... was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 11, 2013. This is a place for all of the people who love and care about her to get the information about her treatment and her personal experience of kicking cancer's ass, (sometimes from her daughter's perspective). It's hard to stand by and not be able to do anything to help. Writing gives my mom an outlet and allows both of us to share information during this time. Therefore, we blog :) 

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