It's true. I am so hungry for something, but I can't decide what I dare to try. Yesterday and today have been real challenges (it's been chemo "flushing" time again). I am having problems with anything I eat. I finally got brave and had some chicken noodle soup and a Clementine orange around 11:00. So far so good. I keep thinking of tender steak, or a nice crisp tenderloin, but stuff like that is not really good to try at this time. I buy my kids those big bags of M&Ms around each holiday. I've already picked up the Valentine-colored ones and have been eyeballing some of those. They sound so good, but I'm sure they are not the best idea in the world right now.
I hope everyone knows that Friday is Valentine's Day. Does anyone remember when we were kids, how we would have such fun getting our little Valentine cards around to exchange with our classmates? It seems everyone always checked out each envelope first to see if there was a lump in it. That meant that there was a small sucker, or a few candy hearts, or a piece of chewing gum enclosed, too. I remember one year, Sister Judy and I made up all of our cards and had them ready to take to school, but we had nothing to stick in each one for an extra treat. It was kinda embarrassing if you didn't have something to add to the package. Well, we were disappointed, but we never said anything to the folks about it. Back then, if things didn't go just the way you wanted, too bad. Live with it. I remember going to bed the night before Valentine's Day, dreading the fact that we just had plain, old cards to give, and somewhat wishing for a little miracle.
The next morning, I got up, went downstairs, and discovered we had indeed been blessed!
Lying on the kitchen table was a HUGE pile of packs of chewing gum! It seems that Dad, who worked second shift at Iowa Manufacturing, had tried to buy a pack of gum from the company vending machine the night before. When he punched the button for his brand, a whole boatload of assorted packs fell out. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do (yet I'm sure glad he did it), but he brought them all home and piled them on the table. There were enough for whole packs for each Valentine card that we were giving, but I'm pretty sure that we leaned on the conservative side and just slipped in one stick per person.
Valentine's Day is the one important holiday that Lon has never forgotten. There was one Christmas when he went out to do his shopping for me - at 6 o'clock - on Christmas Eve. I ended up with a lime-green, see-through baby doll nightgown from K-Mart. He couldn't even save himself with the excuse, "It's the thought that counts!" 'cause that would have been one butt-ugly thought. Since I always did all the shopping for the family, he didn't realize that the stores closed early on Christmas Eve. He forgot one birthday, but back-tracked really fast and took me out for a nice dinner. But Valentine's Day, he seems to be careful about. Frankly, I am to the age where I don't really think much about my birthday or even care about having a present for February 14th. So he's kinda in the safe zone from now on.
Tomorrow, we meet with Dr. B (surgeon) to find out exactly when my surgery will be. I would like it as soon as possible, but like Lon says, the longer this last chemo treatment gets to work, the smaller the tumor and the easier the removal. I'm guessing it will be in two to three weeks. My oncologist, Dr. Ghosh, is in India for the next two weeks or so, and I would like him back in time for the procedure. I am so hoping that it will be a simple lumpectomy, but Dr. B told me that if there is a sizable chunk of flesh removed (to make sure that every little speck of cancer is removed), I will probably have to have cosmetic surgery to look normal. If a breast job is needed, my insurance covers the other breast too, so as to make them match. If that happens, it may seem like putting "shiny, chromed-up cut-glass headlights" on an old jalopy car. When Betty M.'s doctor warned her that she might have a divit in her breast from the removal of her tumor, she laughed it off and said, 'It's not as though I'm planning on being a pole dancer!" That's right, Betty, my feelings exactly - only my thought was "I'm not planning on posing for the cover of the next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition" so what do I care at this time of my life?
GOD BLESS YOU ALL