PAIN BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL PAIN

                                                       (so suck it up and get on with things)    

For the last several years, I have acknowledged and been thankful for the fact that upon rising each day, and later lying down to sleep each night, I was completely pain free. Occasionally I experienced the usual back twinges and muscle aches that come from hard work. But that kind of pain is a source of pride knowing that you have accomplished something that day. I truly was rarely sick. So today's discussion is about, you guessed it, a few examples of pain.

As a little girl, one of the ways my mother heated our big, old drafty farmhouse, was to turn on the gas oven and leave the door open. It made our kitchen toasty warm, but be forewarned that if you left that general area, the air became cooler and you knew you were heading for frozen-room zone (seriously, we had a little turtle freeze solid in the water of his bowl). One day, I happened to noticed that the open oven door was just about the right height for a little tyke like me to sit upon. Mistake Number 1. was that I was wearing a dress, not slacks. Mistake Number 2. was the fact that Mother had just baked something and the oven door was HOT! Mistake Number 3. occurred when I plopped my little behind down on the open door and burned the bejeebers out of the back of my thighs. I remember Mother smearing some kind of salve on my legs, but it hurt like the dickens for a long time.  Eventually I got over it. That's the point. Eventually the pain goes away.

I experienced another form of pain during my wimpy Freshman year in high school. During the sixties, our P.E. class was conducting the Presidential Fitness Test, a program started by Pres. John Kennedy. Kennedy's goal was to push Americans into a healthier physical condition. His family was known for being super active, so he must have figured that everyone else should get cracking, too!

For a little incentive, each high school class would be represented by the top two girls and top two boys, who had completed all the sections of the test in a certain time, and each of these kids would receive a gold colored cloth sew-on patch. Then (if Jeanie N. and I can remember the details correctly) each class had four more kids - 2girls/2 boys (second placers) receive a blue patch which stood for "you are doing great", and then four third-placers (2girls/2boys) got a white patch (you're better than most) .    

Well, one particularly nasty task was to hold on to a bar approximately 3 1/2 feet from the floor, brace your feet out in front, and hang on at a 45 degree angle. The goal was to complete 25 pull-ups. Since I went to school with a lot of strong, healthy farm kids that followed instructions without whining, we set off to do our best. While I was doing my turn at the bar, two friends, Jeanie  and Sue T., stood on either side of me and encouraged me, telling me that I could do it! With their help, I did - all stinking 25 pull-ups.    I remember I couldn't use or straighten out my arms for a full week. Talk about pain! (Wimp Alert)     Again, I got over it.


(THE REST OF THIS STORY DETAILS THE PAIN - OF EMBARRASSMENT :)
At the end of the school year, our annual Honor Awards Day arrived. This was an exciting event when everyone, from an outstanding athlete to a fast-typing office student, was given their letters or pins or ribbons, for excellence. When it came time to announce the Fitness winners, Jeanie and I were called out for the Freshman girls. I kid you not, when we were presented our gold patches, there was an audible gasp from the entire audience - and frankly, I knew it was meant for me. Jeanie was one of our school's outstanding athletes, and I was, well, a weak wimp - and everyone knew it. It was no surprise that Jeanie had earned her patch, but JANENE? They were all as shocked as I was (My gosh, I went out for softball, proceeded to get hit in the face, and ended up quitting. HEY - stitches were required).

I just want to acknowledge the strength and help that those two lovely young girls gave me all those years ago. It's amazing how encouragement and sideline cheering can make a difference. Jeanie and Sue, thanks for helping me to learn that pain is just something we have to get past to get where we need to go.         

Another school friend whom I have know since we were little pups, is cheering me on during this time. Betty C. is currently involved with one of her dear friends in Missouri, who also has cancer, but I get to treasure her support also, even if we are miles apart.

COMMENT TO JENNA:  What's with the jenky picture???  LOL  Alec looks like he's half asleep and it appears that half my face is sliding off sideways. I noticed that you look unusually lovely in that photo (like always). You silly girl, I'll have to post one of your enormous hair pictures from your high school years. (Oh no! a photo war!)

As far as me having any pain right now it's still zip, zilch, nadda, nope. My first chemo went fine and hopefully,  the second go-around on Dec. 23rd will be good, too.

                                                                   God bless you all.

If you are doing this - stop it now!

http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/why-you-should-keep-your-cell-phone-out-your-bra

What do you think about getting madre on here??? YAY!! I had asked her about it a couple of times, and she kept telling me no, it was my "thang" - to which I used the rebuttal "but it's YOUR story." :) I like it - blogging with madre. If she feels up to it, she can; and if not, I will. Or, we'll both blog. I think that sounds like a good idea :)

So, she had her blood test on Friday (12/13/13) and the nurse said she has the healthiest blood of a woman without cancer. (If that's wrong, you know how to fix it now, ma.) Another small (huge) thing to be thankful for.

I got to see mom's Power Port on Sunday - okay, see where it is, anyway. It's really not that noticeable, and even the scar from putting it in isn't that noticeable. And she made me touch it. It's the oddest thing. I'm kind of fascinated by it. Boy has chemo come a long way, baby. Another small (huge) thing to be thankful for.

Mom went to her Look Good Feel Better class through the American Cancer Association last night and said it was good. She got some beauty products, and some hats - and it sounds like she met a couple of people and talked a bit. Which reminds me, I need to get that darn bag ordered/found for mom to start writing names on!

Talked to my aunt today about Christmas stuff - she must have been helping Gram with getting her shopping done. She said she's SO happy that mom is doing so well. Ditto that sentiment! She said "you're mom is really something." And that's really all she had to say to convey just how tight the bond between the two of them is - and what a relief it is that chemo isn't turning out to be what we all thought it was going to be right out of the gate. Thanks for being my mom's best friend and just being there for her, Nina. :)

So - Christmas is 8 days away. Mom has chemo #2 on December 23rd - and then that's (almost) half way through the 4 she has to have before surgery. Easy peasy, right? Let's hope so.

We are on hair watch right now. Day 14 is today - and it is customary to begin losing your hair between days 14 and 17 after chemo. But mom is already being such a rockstar, maybe she'll get to hang on to her hair. Or at least a little longer than most. Just in case she doesn't, on Sunday we ordered her some "gear" so she would be prepared in the event that she will be joining another group against her will, one that my brother belongs to - the chrome domers. :) She's not thrilled about it, and I'm sure she'll need some time to grieve that (temporary) loss when it happens. But, maybe it will grow in curly? Or a different color? It happens! And maybe it will grow in fast.

Vanity isn't normally something I would ask someone to pray for, but in this case, let's sidestep the "vanity" word, and pray for the ability to accept the physical appearance changes, for healing, for continued rockstar status with the second round of chemo, and for this treatment to do what it is meant to do - and a speedy recovery.
 
I wish I could take all of this for her - because I would in a heartbeat.

Hi. Janene (Madre) here. Jenna is having me post some of my thoughts that I have been writing down. So, I guess you can call me a guest contributor on her blog tonight.

                                                              A BALD EAGLE SOARS HIGH

                                               (Wait! I am not an eagle and I don't want to be bald)  

I am starting to get a bit worried about something. Losing my hair. (You are probably thinking 'SERIOUSLY? That's what she's thinking about?') Now, we all know it's not the end of the world. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff, and really, going bald falls under the "small stuff" category in the overall scheme of things. There are all kinds of people who have no hair - some by choice and others that have no control over what is to be. Bald men are common so there really is no social stigma there. Whenever I see a woman wearing a scarf or turban that shows evidence of hair loss, I experience a wave of sympathy, and silently wish her well. Sometimes a lady wearing a wig makes me stop and wonder if she still has a full head of hair but is just trying out a new look, or if she is actually dealing with baldness the best way she can.

Out of pure vanity, one of the first things I did after receiving my diagnosis was to call my family doctor and request a prescription for a wig (cranial prosthesis), since all the cancer internet sites recommend doing so. Then I called my expensive, top-of-the-line health insurance company and checked to make sure that is was covered under my policy. Guess what? A wig for a cancer patient is a no-no. Evidently too cosmetic and definitely not essential to a woman's health. Okey dokey. I guess helping a chemo patient maintain a small measure of dignity is just too expensive. Actually, this is unimportant at this point. There is a teensy weensy chance that I won't lose my hair. It's just the principal of the insurance company's policy that is so disturbing to me. Besides, I am confident that if I want to wear a wig, my husband won't care if I buy one wig - or a dozen. My mother-in-law declared, "If Janene wants a wig, I'll buy her one myself!" What a gal she is!

My beautiful daughter, Jenna, my best friend/partner-in-crime/sister-in-law, Nina, and her fantastic daughter, Holly, all declared that, if I did lose my hair, they would like to shave their heads. What a show of solidarity! However, I have begged, ordered, and demanded that they do not do it!!!! They all have beautiful hair, and it would take approximately two years for it to grow back. In any case, I would be the one hiding under the wig and they would be . . .  well . . . bald. (or fellow wig-wearers).

So, on to the creative, problem-solving plans that Jenna and I have hatched. We went shopping for scarves and caps. Those, and the wigs, are our Plan A.  Plan B is a whole different ballgame (or should I say "baldgame"?) Plan B consists of gracefully embracing my hairless state (yeah - right, like that's really gonna happen), and concentrating on hygiene. I try to tell myself how refreshing and easy it will be to maintain a clean pate.  Step 1. Grab a bottle of Windex.  Step 2. Tear off a few sheets of paper toweling.  Step 3. Spray and polish vigorously.   Oh, and on particularly heavily soiled days, a small squeegee might come in handy.

At the point when my hair is growing back, we have a few unique ideas. I think hair gel, slathered on generously, would provide the perfect solution for when I'm feeling a little punkish. Can't you just see me with rows and rows of sharp little hair spikes all over my head? Jenna and I have also toyed with the idea of tying dozens of tiny pink ribbons around new sprigs of hair for a dressier look. Whatcha think? For a flirty, sassy do, how about one of those super thick pieces of yarn tied around the old billiard ball? Actually, I did that once to my son (sorry, Dan).

When Dan was born, my older sisters gave me tons of their children's clothes. Sandy and Judy had sons, and Karen had a daughter. One day I decided to walk on the wild side, and see how my baby boy looked as a "girl". Fortunately, he was only three months old, and didn't have a clue to what Mommy was doing. I dressed him in a frilly pink outfit and the tied a piece of thick pink yarn around his mostly-bald head, My only mistake was going up to my mother-in-law's to show off my handy work. As luck would have it, my husband happened to stop by at the same time. I can still hear him yelling, "Get those girls' clothes off of my son!" It was hilarious.

As I was stewing about my maybe-impending baldness, I started thinking about a young man in our area, that had also experienced breast cancer. I have not talked with him personally, but I understand that he went through a tough time dealing with this type of cancer - as a man. Then a little rhyme started in head, so here it is - for all the MEN who happen to have cancer in that body part that is called the breast. And for all the baldies - we will get hairy once more!




                                                             THE BEAR IS BARE - BUT WE DON'T CARE


Once there was a grown-up bear

His name was Jobey Jay.

He went to see his doctor and

Here's what Doc had to say.




"I'm very sorry, Jobey Jay,

But you are very sick.

It's something called breast cancer,

But I'll try to fix you - quick!"




Jobey shook his head and cried,

"It can't be - I'm a MAN!

Hey, only women can get that -

It's just not in my plan!"




"Anyone can get it, Son.

I know it's hard to see.

I'll let you in on something, Son.

It happened, yes, to me!"




When Doctor patted Jobey's back

The bear began to sob.

Doc said, "I'll start your treatment now.

Let's get on with this job!"




So, Doc put in a Power Port -

Tucked under Jobey's skin.

It came in very handy

When the chemo was put in.




The treatment was not very hard.

The nurses helped him through it.

But soon his hair began to fall

He hadn't thought it'd do it!




But fall it did - it's just a fact.

Poor Jobey - what a scare!

It's really terrifying when

You're mostly made of HAIR.




Jobey's wife had a thought.

"I'll sew some clothes of hair.

That way you can put on a suit

So you won't look so bare!"




She made a hat, she made a coat

She made a pair of pants,.

She even made a pair of boots

And gloves for both his hands.




Jobey Jay looked pretty good,.

His friends were all so happy

That he was feeling better now

And looking kinda snappy!




Days and weeks and months went by

(it takes a lot of time).

But then one day, our Jobey Jay

Began to feel just fine.




Some rounds of chemo, he'd had first

Then surgery, then healing.

Then radiation, chemo last,

Then finally, better feeling!




His hair grew back, so long and lush

He's never looked so good.

His health is great and he's alive.

He won! (I knew he would).



                                                                                      GOD BLESS YOU ALL   

Mom is starting to have some side effects from chemo. Talked to her last night and she said her mouth has been really dry, and that she is starting to develop redness on her tongue which feels like raw spots, so her little gabber is getting sore. She's been drinking a lot of water like she's supposed to, and using her Biotene. I think she's going to have to increase the use of the Biotene and maybe get the gel used to keep some moisture in her mouth.

She told me that over the weekend, she realized about 7:00 p.m. that she hadn't eaten anything, so she got up and had a little "nosh" :) and then realized she needed to rinse her mouth. The Biotene must have been in the other bathroom, so she grabbed the Scope and gave 'er a rinse.....and then realized she probably shouldn't have done that. Didn't even think about the level of alcohol in the ol' Scope - or that even though she hadn't felt anything going on in her mouth yet, that those cells are a-changing. She said it burned. Really badly. I can't remember what analogy she used, but I'm guessing it was something like drinking lit rocket fuel. Poor girl. Bet she doesn't do THAT again! Or if she does, then we'll know that she's loco en la cabeza from the chemo and we'll have to lock up all the Scope in the house! hahaha okay, sad attempt at Spanish and humor there. I try.

Despite the mouth soreness - and one bout of painting the toilet (sorry, ma) which was quickly remedied by throwing down some Immodium - she's trucking along like a Rolling Stone (sounds good, even though I'm not really sure what a Rolling Stone trucking along REALLY means...?). Every time I call her she's cleaning, or cooking, or she's been shopping for Christmas, or decorating for Christmas, or wrapping presents, having lunch with people. I'm so glad that she's doing so well. I can't tell you how much I worried that she was going to have the side effects so often portrayed on television and the movies. And, as she and I have discussed, maybe this will be the only round where she's feeling this good. Maybe not. But if it is, we're grateful for one round that doesn't cause her any more discomfort than absolutely possible. We'll take it.

As we've also discussed, when venturing into the unknown, it's amazing how badly you can psych yourself out - because you have NO idea what the <BLEEP!> to expect. Even when told what it's like for someone else, it still never really prepares you for the ACTUAL happening (like, say, childbirth). And isn't it odd how we always seem to run through all of the worst case scenarios, rather than thinking about how well things might go first? (I remember telling mom when I was in labor with Alec that I changed my mind and didn't want to do it. Hahaha) Maybe that's just me.

I think initially with this whole cancer-schmancer situation, I really didn't have time to think about any of the scenarios because I was just scrambling trying to make sense of what the <BLEEP!> was going on. Then, worst case scenarios popped up for about a minute until I made mom regurgitate what the doctor had told her (and dad too. I solicit info from both of them, not knowing I've talked to the other to see how closely the information jives). Now that I've edumacated myself a little bit by reading about treatment, the drugs, side effects, things to do to help (which I keep getting yelled at about, by the way *sticking my tongue out at my mom*), and hearing what Dr. G has discussed with my mom and dad, I'm grateful to say that I'm calm. And that largely has to do with the fact that mom is being calm about it. I guess the whole "don't panic until you need to panic" logic has kind of set in - and that's how we are taking this. Things are going to be fine once mom gets through treatment and surgery - and that's the only way we are really looking at this right now. Because we have no reason to look at it any other way. It is what it is. And it isn't what it isn't.

Don't sweat the small stuff people. Accentuate the positive. See the glass half-full. Celebrate the little things. Be the change you want to see. I've run out of catchy cliches..... but.... A positive attitude can do wonders for pretty much any situation. Except, maybe, when you stub a toe, crack your "funny bone," or use Scope on a chemo ravaged tongue....THAT, I'm afraid, just has to wear off. ;)

Just a quick update...

Mom continues to do REALLY well. She seems to tire a bit easier and earlier than she did prior to chemo, and she said her throat is getting a little scratchy, which you can hear a little bit in her voice on occasion. But other than that, she's a rockstar! She will have some bloodwork done on Friday, and I'm hoping that she doesn't have any problems after staying with Alec today (I'm so sorry!). I have been preaching about the fact that we are going to have to be careful with mom, since the chemo can lower her white blood cells which fight infection. So what do I do? Have her watch my kid with a cold. I originally called to tell her I was taking him to work with me and she wouldn't have to pick him up after school. But, I'm guessing she's missing him and her normal routine with him.

Oh, and since I only have a couple (literally) minutes, I just wanted to throw this out there. Mom said in the last week or so that twice she's had people - with good intentions - basically grilling her about her cancer and treatment. People, go easy on her. She's learning just like the rest of us are. She doesn't have all the answers. And she doesn't want to talk about it with everyone. AND if she's visibly getting upset (crying, for those of you who don't know what I mean) PLEASE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING IMMEDIATELY. This infuriates me, even though I know it is meant out of care for her. But for people to see her physically becoming upset and continue to - interrogate - her - I have a problem with. I told her she's just going to have to draw a line and tell people if she doesn't want to talk about it.

That's all for today's sermon. God bless.

Not a whole lot to report today - which is good! Called mom yesterday and she was ironing and cleaning. In the evening I talked to her, and she was laughing about the Thundercat post. She said she's feeling good, feeling fine!

Called this morning to see how things were going and dad answered - said mom was already out and about taking Grams and Aunt D to a doctor's appointment at PCI.

My mom is amazing, isn't she? I assume at some point she might start getting tired a little more easy from this first round, but she may just push on through this without. Let's hope it keeps going this way!

Like I said, not much to report, but thought I'd let you all know she's doing great!!! Thanks for all the prayers and keeping her in your thoughts!

Have a great day!

It's chemo day. Mom should be at Dr. G's office and starting the whole process of kicking cancer's ass right now. I don't know how she's doing, but I'm pretty shaky, and my stomach is doing flip flops. Not sure why - I have faith that this treatment is going to do it's job, but I still feel like I just slammed about a twelve pack of Mountain Dew for some reason. AND I was so distracted this morning I forgot to brush my teeth or even put deoderant on. Good thing I keep extra supplies at work, just in case!

I didn't get back to posting last night, which was going to remind you all that today was chemo day. Send prayers for healing please!!!

I'm not the only one who has been doing some writing. When mom first found out that something was "wrong" - she didn't really want to talk about it, even though I'm sure she had a ton of questions and worries, and so did the rest of us. So when my dad had told me she didn't really want to talk about it, and then mom told me the same thing, being that mom has been writing stories for the last couple of years and whatnot, I thought well fine. Don't talk about it. But at least write about it. So I got her some journals and gave them to her. And she has been writing.

She stopped by the house yesterday to pick up her "chemo bag" stuff. What a grand "caregiver" I am to make her come get her own stuff, huh? I hadn't had a chance to get her a bag yet, and was going to try and get the stuff to her last night while Alec was bowling, but couldn't get any assistance from Alec's dad to sit at the bowling alley while I took the stuff to mom and dad's. Anyway, mom stopped by to pick the stuff up and left me a folder with some of the things she's been writing down. I read them all last night. She made me cry, and she made me laugh (which is just our way, I guess). But it also gave me some insight into what she has been feeling about all this. She's a very good writer, and I hope someday that either her Thomas books are published (stories about a little boy with autism) or that some of her other writings are published. I think it's a great outlet (heck, I'm blogging, right?).

So, I had this idea about her chemo bag. I told her I couldn't find one that I liked, so what I thought about doing was getting her a canvas bag (borrrrrring) and some sharpies, and having her write the name of every individual she encountered from this path she is on on the bag. She's always pointing out how people do things and don't realize how many people it touches or affects. So I want to have visual documentation of those that mom encounteres from this whole situation. I think it might be pretty amazing to see how quickly that bag fills up with names. So, that's my project for tonight, is to finally get the bag and get it to her this week.

I will try to post later, after talking to mom and dad and finding out how chemo went.

Oh, and for those of you were left with the cliffhanger from yesterday - I'm not sure if I'm happy about the Thundercat reference by my niece. The characters are ripped, and have tah-tahs that I've always wanted. But they look like He-Man inbred with lions. Still pondering that one, Abagail :o/ LOL

************************************************************************************************************************
9:30 - Dad called to ask me a question about setting up the Kindle that he got mom. He said that they had just started her anti-nausea infusion about 9:15 and that was going to take about 20 minutes. Then they would start the infusion of one of the other drugs. I'm not sure which order these are given in, but will find out.

He said mom was doing fine. She was ready for him to skeedaddle as soon as they got there. I told him to stay. I think at least the first time, he should stay just in case she has some kind of a reaction. He said he might go to the library down the road to get her a library card for checking out e-books on her kindle, come back and check on her, then maybe run to Ford to get some parts for his truck. I told him if he needed a break or needed to go do whatever, to give me a call and I could take a long lunch hour to come over and stay with mom.

He said the office wasn't very busy this morning, and that there was only one other person receiving an infusion right now. Hadn't seen Dr. G yet, but I'm hopeful that he will stop in and check on how things are going at some point today.

That's all for now.

**************************************************************************************************************************
3:00 - Mom called. I missed her call as I was being taunted by the maintenance guy about my "initiation" tomorrow at work....psh! Called her back, she sounded GREAT. Said they got home about 2:30 and she's all infused. She feels good, and said using the port was just a very minor little pinch and a little pressure going in, but nothing coming out. She said she sat and wrote for a while, slept for a while, and then at some point she realized the other lady in the infusion room with her was someone that was a couple of years older than her and dad that they had gone to highschool with. Crazy.

She did say that the nurse (?) or whoever was giving her the infusion said she thought that mom was going to do really well through all this by the way things went today. That's great to hear!

So, first chemo in (not down, but in). We just have to wait and see how the next couple of days go now.

I made plans for Alec's Christmas break (do kids REALLY ever need TWO weeks off of school???? They get the whole darn summer off, for pete's sake!) and have that all covered between vacation time and the babysitter. Now, to tackle the fact that I need a new babysitter as of January 23rd... better get busy on that one.

Can you believe it's December already!??!?!? Oh my gosh - this year has flown. Funny how the older I get, the quicker the years fly (overall). I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and friends. On Thanksgiving, Alec and I went to our first family holiday with Mike and it went really well. Alec did great (and chose the perfect moment, sitting at the head of the table, to tell everyone "Happy Thanksgiving everyone!" spontaneously - a definite awwww moment), we ate a lot of great food, and then went home and vegged out for the mostpart. I made a turkey on Friday, and then on Saturday my brother had our family's Thanksgiving at his house. His girlfriend made a SPREAD - wayyy more than the 10 of us could eat. She really outdid herself for our family this year. (Thanks T!) This was also Mike's first family holiday with my family, and I'm proud to say that everyone behaved themselves and it went really well. (With exception to Abby and Cate saying that Mike looked like Hugh Jackman (nice) and I looked like a Thundercat. What the hell is a Thundercat?? (not sure if that was nice or not???))

We had some fun with the wigs of moms that I brought with me to return to her (she used to get wigs for Halloween when she worked at the bank) - my brother has a bald head, so he was our model. Oh my gosh we laughed SO hard - those wigs were hilarious, and he was a great sport for letting me keep putting them on, everyone laughing, taking pictures and then slapping a new one on his head to repeat the cycle.

I WILL get pictures from whoever was taking them and post them (sorry, bro!). They're just hilarious. And to see my brother with hair after all these years was kind of weird. Poor guy has been bald since he was about 17 or 18.

Sunday was kind of an errand day. I don't do black Friday or grey Thursday - I am really not a shopper on any normal day of the year, and I cringe at the thought of even having to leave the house when all this holiday madness starts. The fact that stores were open on Thanksgiving really bothers me - and people have to wonder why tradition, family, God, religion is lost - in my opinion, situations such as shopping on holidays that definitely contribute. It seems to make the holidays more about the great deals and how much you can buy on a shop-a-thon all day than about family, and appreciating what you have. If we didn't have that appreciation already, this year we would be getting a really big lesson in it.

I got mom some things for her "chemo bag" - candies for the metallic taste in her mouth during treatment, a heated throw blanket (infusion rooms are usually cold - not sure if they'll let her use it or not though?), some slippers and warm socks, hand warmers, water bottles to help track her water intake, some fiberous snacks... I can't remember what else at the moment.

My dad - I am so proud of him. He is being so good with all this, despite it being an absolute overload of information, quick decision making and just plain difficult to wrap your mind around. He hates seeing his family sick, or hurting, and not be able to do anything to make it go away. He's always said that it's nothing for him to go on a medical call (when he volunteered with the fire department) and handle some pretty gruesome scenes....but to see his family members hurt is something he just can't stomach.

He bought mom a Kindle - all on his own. I didn't have to suggest it or anything. I was going to get mom a tablet so that she would have internet, books, music, and games all at her fingertips instead of having to carry a big bag of things in for entertainment on her infusion days, but apparently my dad was thinking the same thing. Good job, pa :)

He and I have had a few conversations about the treatment that mom will be having. He's a bit concerned about all of the different agents in the chemo - if they are all supposed to kill the cancer, why does she need so many? I did a little reading of my binder this weekend (not nearly as much as I would have liked to) and was able to explain to him that two of the drugs, the Perjeta and the Herceptin, slow the cancer cell division/growth, and the Taxotere is the assassin for the cancer cells. He mentioned, as was also my concern when I first read it, that these drugs state they are used for metastatic cancer - which mom doesn't have. But I also read that the drugs are also used in early stage breast cancer where the tumor is larger than 2 cm. That's why mom is getting the coctail she is getting.

SIDE NOTE ON TUMOR SIZE: Dad and I were talking about the stuff above, when I told him I was guessing tumor size had something to do with all this. He thinks the tumor is still only 1.something cm, and that the 3.7 and 3.1 that was reported in the MRI results are from the positioning of the scans when taken. In a mammogram, the girls are compressed - does that squish the tumor and make it look longer or wider? And apparently when you have an MRI on your girls, they are hanging, which also might elongate the appearance of the tumor? I don't know, but wanted to let you all know that I may have been wrong about the significance of the measurements. Dad said the surgeon was not concerned about those measurements at all - which I'm taking as a good sign!

I haven't figured out (or been able to retain, yet) what the Neulasta is for certain, but I will figure it out and post what I find (I think it helps bolster mom's immune system to target the cancer cells?). I am a bit concerned about all the allergic reactions that are possible after reading all the information, aye yay yay! I guess that's pretty typical when you are basically dumping poison into your body to kill cancer.

Mom is doing really well. We had a moment on Saturday - when I told her about Alec picking the perfect moment to tell everyone Happy Thanksgiving at Mike's family's Thanksgiving. Mom just kind of took it in, and then we both got teary eyed and lost it. What a huge accomplishment for Alec - and at the same time, bittersweet with everything that is going on for mom right now. I asked if she was getting scared, and she said no, she just has an outburst every once in a while. It kind of hits, she sits with it and lets it move through her and then she just gets back to business. And, really, the only alternative is to not have treatment, and I think that is a scarier option that chemo. It's just going to suck. It's like realizing the flu has set in, and you know you're in for some pretty horrible visits to the porcelain god, and then realizing that it's might require the toilet and the garbage can. And a heating pad. You know it's temporary, but boy does it sure blow while you're going through it.

Mom's a tough cookie, and I am hopeful that she will not have a lot of the nasty side effects (water, water, water madre!!!). But there's still knowing it's a possibility. And that your typical routine is going to be completely different for a while, you're going to be restricted on what your family lets you do (sorry, madre!), the exposures and interactions you can have, the physical side effects of the treatment. And just feeling yucky. Who likes to feel yucky? BUT, what I keep telling myself and mom - it is all TEMPORARY. We will get you through this, mom.

********************* Out of time for now - will post more later....IF I can wrestle the computer from the kid later!