A BALD EAGLE SOARS HIGH
(Wait! I am not an eagle and I don't want to be bald)
I am starting to get a bit worried about something. Losing my hair. (You are probably thinking 'SERIOUSLY? That's what she's thinking about?') Now, we all know it's not the end of the world. I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff, and really, going bald falls under the "small stuff" category in the overall scheme of things. There are all kinds of people who have no hair - some by choice and others that have no control over what is to be. Bald men are common so there really is no social stigma there. Whenever I see a woman wearing a scarf or turban that shows evidence of hair loss, I experience a wave of sympathy, and silently wish her well. Sometimes a lady wearing a wig makes me stop and wonder if she still has a full head of hair but is just trying out a new look, or if she is actually dealing with baldness the best way she can.
Out of pure vanity, one of the first things I did after receiving my diagnosis was to call my family doctor and request a prescription for a wig (cranial prosthesis), since all the cancer internet sites recommend doing so. Then I called my expensive, top-of-the-line health insurance company and checked to make sure that is was covered under my policy. Guess what? A wig for a cancer patient is a no-no. Evidently too cosmetic and definitely not essential to a woman's health. Okey dokey. I guess helping a chemo patient maintain a small measure of dignity is just too expensive. Actually, this is unimportant at this point. There is a teensy weensy chance that I won't lose my hair. It's just the principal of the insurance company's policy that is so disturbing to me. Besides, I am confident that if I want to wear a wig, my husband won't care if I buy one wig - or a dozen. My mother-in-law declared, "If Janene wants a wig, I'll buy her one myself!" What a gal she is!
My beautiful daughter, Jenna, my best friend/partner-in-crime/sister-in-law, Nina, and her fantastic daughter, Holly, all declared that, if I did lose my hair, they would like to shave their heads. What a show of solidarity! However, I have begged, ordered, and demanded that they do not do it!!!! They all have beautiful hair, and it would take approximately two years for it to grow back. In any case, I would be the one hiding under the wig and they would be . . . well . . . bald. (or fellow wig-wearers).
So, on to the creative, problem-solving plans that Jenna and I have hatched. We went shopping for scarves and caps. Those, and the wigs, are our Plan A. Plan B is a whole different ballgame (or should I say "baldgame"?) Plan B consists of gracefully embracing my hairless state (yeah - right, like that's really gonna happen), and concentrating on hygiene. I try to tell myself how refreshing and easy it will be to maintain a clean pate. Step 1. Grab a bottle of Windex. Step 2. Tear off a few sheets of paper toweling. Step 3. Spray and polish vigorously. Oh, and on particularly heavily soiled days, a small squeegee might come in handy.
At the point when my hair is growing back, we have a few unique ideas. I think hair gel, slathered on generously, would provide the perfect solution for when I'm feeling a little punkish. Can't you just see me with rows and rows of sharp little hair spikes all over my head? Jenna and I have also toyed with the idea of tying dozens of tiny pink ribbons around new sprigs of hair for a dressier look. Whatcha think? For a flirty, sassy do, how about one of those super thick pieces of yarn tied around the old billiard ball? Actually, I did that once to my son (sorry, Dan).
When Dan was born, my older sisters gave me tons of their children's clothes. Sandy and Judy had sons, and Karen had a daughter. One day I decided to walk on the wild side, and see how my baby boy looked as a "girl". Fortunately, he was only three months old, and didn't have a clue to what Mommy was doing. I dressed him in a frilly pink outfit and the tied a piece of thick pink yarn around his mostly-bald head, My only mistake was going up to my mother-in-law's to show off my handy work. As luck would have it, my husband happened to stop by at the same time. I can still hear him yelling, "Get those girls' clothes off of my son!" It was hilarious.
As I was stewing about my maybe-impending baldness, I started thinking about a young man in our area, that had also experienced breast cancer. I have not talked with him personally, but I understand that he went through a tough time dealing with this type of cancer - as a man. Then a little rhyme started in head, so here it is - for all the MEN who happen to have cancer in that body part that is called the breast. And for all the baldies - we will get hairy once more!
THE BEAR IS BARE - BUT WE DON'T CARE
Once there was a grown-up bear
His name was Jobey Jay.
He went to see his doctor and
Here's what Doc had to say.
"I'm very sorry, Jobey Jay,
But you are very sick.
It's something called breast cancer,
But I'll try to fix you - quick!"
Jobey shook his head and cried,
"It can't be - I'm a MAN!
Hey, only women can get that -
It's just not in my plan!"
"Anyone can get it, Son.
I know it's hard to see.
I'll let you in on something, Son.
It happened, yes, to me!"
When Doctor patted Jobey's back
The bear began to sob.
Doc said, "I'll start your treatment now.
Let's get on with this job!"
So, Doc put in a Power Port -
Tucked under Jobey's skin.
It came in very handy
When the chemo was put in.
The treatment was not very hard.
The nurses helped him through it.
But soon his hair began to fall
He hadn't thought it'd do it!
But fall it did - it's just a fact.
Poor Jobey - what a scare!
It's really terrifying when
You're mostly made of HAIR.
Jobey's wife had a thought.
"I'll sew some clothes of hair.
That way you can put on a suit
So you won't look so bare!"
She made a hat, she made a coat
She made a pair of pants,.
She even made a pair of boots
And gloves for both his hands.
Jobey Jay looked pretty good,.
His friends were all so happy
That he was feeling better now
And looking kinda snappy!
Days and weeks and months went by
(it takes a lot of time).
But then one day, our Jobey Jay
Began to feel just fine.
Some rounds of chemo, he'd had first
Then surgery, then healing.
Then radiation, chemo last,
Then finally, better feeling!
His hair grew back, so long and lush
He's never looked so good.
His health is great and he's alive.
He won! (I knew he would).
GOD BLESS YOU ALL