Blog Archives

DOING LUNCH

2/22/2014

IF I GO OVER THE TOP SOMETIMES, DON'T WORRY; THAT'S WHERE ALL THE SUNSHINE IS.

Michael Treanor

Tomorrow I am "doing" lunch with some special people - Cate and one of her girlfriends, Abby, Jenna, and hopefully, Alec. I haven't seen the girls for a few weeks and I need to get caught up on what's going on in their lives. The years are sure flying by fast.

When Miss Cate (or Cate-the-Angel as she likes to be called) was born, I was lucky enough to get to babysit her every Wednesday. On days that I got off work early, I would dash across town and pick her up from the daycare center and haul her home with me. We got to spend a lot of time together. I remember one day that I told her, "I love you." She responded with "No, I love YOU." I said "NO, I LOVE YOU!." in a louder tone. Back and forth we went until I said to her, "Look, nobody else is here. We can say it as loud as we want as much as we want!" If anyone had come to the door about that time, they would have heard a grandmother and a three-year old shouting at the top of their lungs, "I LOVE YOU!!!!" and laughing our fannies off.

When Miss Abby was born, she was such a tiny little thing, that I caught myself calling her "Flea" because she was as small as a flea. (you had to be there to understand that). :) It's interesting that our hair color happens to be about the same light shade, however she says she's a BLONDE, but that I have WHITE hair. I taught all the grandchildren from an early age that I was only 39 years old AND that I was a blonde.(Jeez, I am such a liar). I would instruct them periodically to make sure that they remembered to always tell people that their grandmother was 39. The jig was up when THEIR mother turned 39 and they wanted to know how it was possible that we were the same age. Rats!

One time I was quizzing Mr. Alec about my hair color. Every time I asked him "What color is Grandma's hair?' he would answer "White!". After about the fifth time I asked him "What color is Grandma's hair?' he gave up and hollered "Yellow!" and walked away. (yellow is kinda blonde, right? I'll take it.)

Yup, I'm looking forward to lunch with the girls (and little guy). It will be interesting to see if they have anything on the menu that I will be able to taste. Did I tell you that I tried two different cookies the other day, and both of them tasted like pure lard?! And my beloved Town House Crackers don't have that nice buttery-salty taste anymore - it's rather like chewing on cardboard. I am not kidding. About the only thing I can truly taste is something with tomatoes in it. Weird. Whatever. The company will be good. :)))

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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GAB - GAB - GAB

2/21/2014

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SOMETIMES LIFE JUST WALKS UP TO YOU, EXCUSES ITSELF, AND PUNCHES YOU IN THE FACE.

Mike Kunda

This quote might sound like I'm in a bitter mood, but no. I thought it was hilarious!

Actually, most of today was glorious. (The wagons are circling again). My friend from Atlanta, Sandy R., called this morning, and we had another one of our marathon chats. We got a lot of stuff talked over, and solved most of the world's problems in no time flat. Then I got to chit-chat with Jenna for a few minutes while she was on her break. Then I got to spend some time this afternoon with sis-in-law, Jill. Oh, I forgot to tell you that Nina called yesterday and asked if I would be interested in going with her to get pedicures on Monday - just for something fun to do. Unfortunately, it wouldn't do me much good, 'cause by Tuesday, I would have to have the polish removed for surgery.

That's something I've been thinking about. There are a few restrictions that must be taken into consideration when someone is preparing for surgery of any kind. Did you know that I will not be allowed to have any polish on my fingernails or toenails and I can't wear any hairspray, body lotion or deodorant? But here's the kicker - NO MAKE-UP!! I know I'm not going to a fashion parade, but if I show up without wearing make-up, I will look like that poor little dude, E.T., when he was terminally home-sick and scared and stretched out on a medical cot. Remember at the end of the movie when he just laid there, all naked and pale and pasty looking? In other words, I'm gonna look like an ALIEN! It doesn't help that I have that Power Port thingy embedded up by my shoulder blade, which looks and feels like an alien baby ready to break through the skin and be birthed. EWWW.

I talked to Sister Judy and she said she would like to be at the hospital Tuesday, but I told her that there's going to be a whole lot of nothing going on for quite a while and I'll let her know how things went. Seriously, I'm going to be knocked out, so I'm the one who is going to get through this the quickest. Thanks anyway, Jude.

In conclusion, take heed of these words. If "life" DOES walk up to you and just happens to say "excuse me" - -DUCK!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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SNIRT

2/20/2014

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THE WORLD IS MUD-LUCIOUS AND PUDDLE-WONDERFUL.

                                                                   e.e. Cummings

I don't know about the world being "mud-licious" or "puddle-wonderful", but today it is going to be pretty wet and muddy from the rain coming in before all the snow. We had to go in to the doctor's clinic this morning so I could get a last-minute blood test (BMP) and an EKG, and while we were downtown, I noticed that there is a lot of snirt around. For you folks who don't know what that is, it's that dirty, nasty brown snow consisting of snow AND dirt. Hey, the rain will probably wash away all the snirt, and then the new snow will cover everything in a nice clean coat. Something to look forward to!

And for all of you who are pretty much fed up with winter, give a shout out and make yourself heard. Not that's there anything we can do about it, but it may make you feel better.

I am getting a tad bit nervous about the surgery, since there seems to be so many tests being done and appointments to go to. It makes it a little bit more complicated than I had imagined. My contact nurse called yesterday and asked that we arrive at 5:45 AM instead of 6 o'clock, so they could do a few things even earlier. Oy vey. Maybe I should just plan to get there around midnight, and slump over in a chair and sleep. Then, if they need to poke or jab or hook something up, I'd be there, but unconscious. I found out that the plastic surgeon is supplying me with camisoles and special bras. Yay! new lingerie - right? Wrong. I'm sure they are the heavy-duty, supportive, commercial-grade undies - definitely not the kind from Victoria's Secret.

By the way, the tech who did my EKG this morning, happened to mention that they are getting sooo many breast cancer patients in lately and that many of them are quite young. That is very depressing to hear. I hope all of you out there are making sure you're getting mammograms each year. I realize now that this can happen to anyone. It's weird to be going about your everyday life, and then, BAM!, it occurs to you that this is not a dream. IT IS REALLY HAPPENING AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO BUT KEEP GOING FORWARD TO TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEM.

Yup, it's a real snirty kind of situation, wouldn't you say?     :)

NOTE: Thank you, Jenna, for the wonderful lasagna. You did good!

                                                                                  GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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I HAVE FRIENDS I DON'T EVEN KNOW

2/18/2014

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LIFE IS ABOUT USING THE WHOLE BOX OF CRAYONS

                                                                     Unknown

There are a couple of ladies who have made comments on our blog. I'm not sure I know who they are, but it doesn't really matter. Barbara is encouraging, and Ellana has made some very good suggestions that I had not even thought about. I had seen the special tops that are needed after surgery, advertised in my Paula Young wig catalogue, but for some reason, it just never clicked that it is time to get some. Duh! I did pick up a top today with small snaps down the front and two big pockets. I think it may be a medical uniform top that nurses wear, but it looks like it will do the trick. I hope I am like my new friend and only have to have the drains in for a few days. That would be so great. But if it takes longer, so be it. It's do-able. Anyhoo, I really appreciated all the information that she gave me.

I got to talk to Jenna after work today, and she kinda indicated that she was planning on being at the hospital on Tuesday. I told her that I wanted her to go to work that day, since she had had to use up some of her time-off for school late-start days and bad weather. She said she thought she should sit with her dad while I was getting fixed. (Oh, wait, I don't mean FIXED - I mean fixed up healthy-wise). After I got home, I realized that I must have come off rather bossy and offensive. Jenna has been my staunchest supporter from the minute she found out about the cancer. And then I tell her she needs to go to work that day. So I called her up and explained that I just didn't want to get her into trouble from being away from work that day, but if she chooses to be with her dad, I'm sure her work will understand, and that I would be happy that she was there. Little Ma wanted to be there, but we both finally agreed that from 6 o'clock AM to whenever, the day would run too long and would be too tiring for her. But she made it clear that she was at my disposal when I get home, and she'll do whatever needs to be done. Wow! (I wonder if it will be too cold for her to wash my windows? Uh . . . did I say that out loud?) Just kidding, Hazel. :))))

Okay, here is the part where I thank people for sending or bringing me neat stuff. Last night Little Ma sent up some of her delicious homemade chicken and noodles plus some great lemon pudding for our supper. Then today, I got a package from Sister Sandy with all kinds of goodies in it. There was a neat pink cord bracelet connected to an engraved silver ring which said "LIFE IS TOUGH" on one side and "BUT I AM TOUGHER" on the other side. I just love it! She also sent a magazine and book that I had been wanting to read. Then she enclosed a box of miniature chairs for Alec that she had ordered for him. He is always making paper-people and folding them to fit inside toy cars or onto little homemade benches or chairs. Now he has the real thing for his toy people (both paper and plastic) to sit on. I asked him what was the first thing he was going to use the chairs for, and he said "Dinner" so I guess about twenty of his toys will be sitting down and having a banquet.

Jenna and I have both mentioned our habit of thinking up PLAN A and just for good measure, we also have a PLAN B waiting in the wings in case we need it. Well, tonight she gave me the neatest little notepad to carry in my purse. Across the front it says, "LIFE IS ALL ABOUT HOW YOU HANDLE PLAN B." Inside it has this message:

PLAN A IS ALWAYS MY FIRST CHOICE . . . THE ONE WHERE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT. BUT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, I FIND MYSELF DEALING WITH THE UPSIDE-DOWN VERSION WHERE NOTHING GOES AS IT SHOULD. IT'S AT THIS POINT THE REAL TEST OF MY CHARACTER COMES IN . . . DO I SINK OR DO I SWIM? DO I WALLOW IN SELF-PITY OR DO I SIMPLY SHIFT GEARS AND MAKE THE BEST OF THE SITUATION? THE CHOICE IS MINE. LIFE REALLY IS ALL ABOUT HOW YOU HANDLE PLAN B.

Good stuff, don't you think?

NOTE: I just want to say again how much I appreciate all of you out that that put up with my ramblings. Sometimes when I am writing this, I forget that somebody might possibly read it. I just let my thoughts ooze out of my head, run down my arms, and squirt out of my fingers onto the keyboard of the computer. (doesn't that paint a creepy picture?). So, what you see is what you get.    Thanks again.

                                                                        GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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COME JOIN ME AND BE A POSSIBILITARIAN

2/17/2014

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BECOME A POSSIBILITARIAN. NO MATTER HOW DARK THINGS SEEM TO BE, OR ACTUALLY ARE, RAISE YOUR SIGHTS AND SEE THE POSSIBILITIES.

ALWAYS SEE THEM, FOR THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE.

Norman Vincent Peale

Tuesday, February 25th, is the day for surgery. Whoo Hoo! The prep work has all been done, so it's time to get cracking and get on to the next chapter. The crappy part is, I have to be at the surgical center at 6 AM! That means I'll have to get up at 4 o'clock to get ready. EWWW! Whatever. No point in getting snippy about something like that (but I'm not much of an EARLY-EARLY morning person).

So, I arrive at 6 o'clock, then at 7 o'clock go to the Nuclear Medicine department and get my breast injected with dye to see if and where it travels into the lymph nodes. Then they observe (or track) it for 2 1/2 hours. Then at 9:30, I go to surgery. I forgot to ask the nurse how long that will take, but I assume quite a while. That's no big deal to me, because I will be knocked out and won't know how long it's taking anyway. I'll have to spend the night at the hospital and then go home on Wednesday. Tah Dah! Easey peasy.

I think some drains have to be in for a week or two, which sounds like the biggest bother (from what I've read on-line), but after they come out, it is soooo much better. Sure . . . I know you guys are all probably thinking that I have already admitted to being a real whiner, and one of my favorite words to say is "OUCH!, so there will be a bit of griping and moaning going on. Probably. So what? It will be what it will be. The one thing in my favor is that I have a high pain threshold and I can stand quite a bit of misery, without really falling apart. But if you hear a high pitched wailing coming from my neck of the woods, you'll know that I've hit the wall and am making sure everyone in the county knows it. :)

I got a letter from Mona from South Dakota the other day. She enclosed a beautiful chocolate rose, to be used when I get my taste buds back and may want a bit of good chocolate to savor. Another very thoughtful thing that happened to me was Little Ma sent me a certificate from the Susan G. Komen Foundation, stating that a contribution gift had been made by her in honor of me! That really blew my mind. And a week ago, she also gave me a gorgeous silver breast cancer ribbon charm with pink stones in it, for my charm bracelet. So, you can see that I am totally spoiled rotten.

Nina came by yesterday and hauled my butt around shopping. I found a pair of stretchy black yoga pants that just pull up. I think that they will be perfect for getting dressed to come home from the hospital. I have a couple of zip-up-the-front sweaters and sweatshirts to choose from for the top. I can't take anything that is pullover, cause that may get a little uncomfortable getting into when I won't be able to use my arms for a while. I am going to try to get as much shopping, grocery buying and laundry done before I have to rest and stay put in the recliner. I think we will do just fine.

AND, believe it or not, I need to get together with niece Holly and have her trim my hair! I never thought I would be saying anything like that right before surgery. My hair is the longest in the back that it has been in years, and would look better if I get the ends trimmed up nicely. Last night, I was looking at all the scarves and hats and wig stuff that Jenna and I had ordered a few months ago. I am so happy that I haven't had to use any of them (yet).

So, kids, that's the latest update. I'll keep you in the loop as everything happens. After surgery, I may get to the point where I am tapping out very short messages for this blog, but I'll do the best I can with the range of motion I'll have. :) Remember . . . I am a possibilitarian.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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GENERATIONS

2/16/2014

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IN THESE WORDS I CAN SUM UP EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE: IT GOES ON.

                                                                                                             Robert Frost

I mentioned that, in some ways, Jenna has taken on the occasional role as the parent and leads me in different ways when needed. I find my sisters and brothers and I are doing the same thing in regards to our father.

Dad was driving his truck home last evening and slipped into the ditch again. He thinks he may have gotten a flat tire and it pulled him over and in. Fortunately, he was not hurt and a nice man from Alburnett drove him all the way home. This has not been a good winter for Dad and the misfortunes he is experiencing seem to be escalating, so we are all keeping a closer eye on him for his own safety. Lon and I went out to the farm last night so I could talk to him while Lon plowed out his driveway.

In talking to him, I see how very unhappy he is and I wish there was a way we could help him be happier, but that is just not going to happen. Since Mother passed, he has been so incredibly sad and lonely, and he can't seem to figure out what to do with himself to find a little joy and contentment.

Dad was always a little distant when we kids were growing up. He did all the providing and Mom did the majority of the hands-on raising. Fathers of little kids today seem to be totally involved in every aspect of their kids lives, from knowing all of their friends' names to taking them bowling or swimming or to the movies.  Ours was a whole different generation. I can only remember touching my father about three times in my life.

Once was when I was about five years old and we were attending a wedding in Cedar Rapids. I was wearing a blue dress and he had on his fedora hat and long dress trenchcoat. We had to cross the street to get to the church and he took my hand. I was hoping everyone was watching and seeing my dad help me to cross the street. Then, there was the day of my wedding when he took my arm to escort me down the aisle. He had worked the night before and he didn't come to the wedding rehearsal, so we had not gotten to practice that part. The third time was the day Mother died. Sister Sandy had spent the night with her when it became very late in the evening, and the rest of us had all had gone home to get some rest, not knowing that she would pass the next day. When Sister Judy and I returned the next morning, Sister Karen took Sandy home, and unfortunately, shortly after that, Mother quietly passed away. Dad had been exhausted and so we did not call him right away and therefore let him sleep late. We had all gathered at the nursing home and waited. When Dad made it back, I remember walking up to him and taking his hand while we told him the bad news.

Like I said, this is a whole different ballgame today with fathers and daughters. Nina's little granddaughter and her son-in-law were going to a Father-Daughter Dance. When Addison became anxious to get going, she asked her dad (who was still getting ready) "Are you handsome enough YET?!" So funny!

Hopefully, tomorrow I will find out when the surgery can be performed. I am thinking - maybe a week away. That would be nice to get that over with.

NOTE Thanks for all of you reading our blog. We don't have a counter on it, but by adding up the figures we have had almost 4,000 hits! Amazing.

                                                                                 GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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MY MIND'S MADE UP - I THINK

2/14/2014

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GIVING UP IS FOR ROOKIES.

Hercules (from the Disney movie)

I am having quite a nice day with my buddy, Alec. I picked him up after school yesterday and we did some errands before coming to my place where he spent the night. That child is a "nester." That means when he gets into bed, he wraps all the sheets, blankets, and comforter into a huge wad all around himself and then burrows down out of sight into this big nest. Right before he went to sleep, I heard him fussing a little for his mom. I went in and laid down with him and put "buttons" up and down his spine. My mother used to do that and I did it for my kids. Just take one finger and rub circles over each vertibrae down the spine, making imaginary buttons. Very soothing.

Talked to Sister Sandy and found out that Wednesday night Dad was leaving his garage, and as the garage door was lowering he slipped and fell, and the door came down on his leg, pinning him to the ground. His door evidently doesn't have a red-eye light that makes the door go back up if it detects something in the way. He laid there trapped, trying to kick the incredibly heavy door up to get out from under it, and yelling as loud as he could. Nephew Mark was in the house, and somehow managed to hear Dad, and came to the rescue. If Mark had been at work, Dad probably would not have made it after lying on the cold ground for a long period of time. Definitely another miracle at work here, wouldn't you say?

Just tried to call the surgeon's office to make the APPOINTMENT. Dr. B (general surgeon) is available the last week in February, but Dr. A's (plastic surgeon) appointment nurse wasn't there today to confirm when he would be able to do his part - first Dr. B takes out the bad stuff and then Dr. A takes over and tries to prettify(?) what's left. Dr. B is leaving for vacation the last of February, so it's gonna have to be in the next few weeks. Dr. A said he wanted to get it done as soon as possible, and that his usual practice is to bump patients who are just having augmentations, etc. and fit the breast cancer patients in first. Good plan!

I am amazed at the response, either by blog comments or by telephone, the input and support from all you amazing ladies. It boggles my mind to realize what strong women are in my life and I am proud of every one of you. It reminds me of the old cowboy pictures, when the settlers pulled their covered wagons into a big circle for protection and unification. Well, the wagons have made a circle.

Just wanted to acknowledge something very special that Nina gave me the other day. She brought me the neatest Willow Tree piece - two women standing together. The title was MY SISTER, MY FRIEND. Of course, it was another tearful time. Very touching and very thoughtful.

Oh yeah, the reason Alec is with me is because Jenna was out of town due to work. I just want to let you all know that when I have any of the grandkids here, I try to keep them as safe and in one piece as possible. I do not want anything to happen on MY watch.

Uh - so, do you suppose Jenna's gonna be happy to see that Alec shaved his eyebrows off AGAIN, on my watch? Probably not. The scary thing is, we are so used to him going around without eyebrows that we don't really notice it that much anymore. It's just lucky that his hair grows a mile a minute. :)

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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DECISIONS

2/12/2014

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SOMETIMES THE RIGHT PATH IS NOT THE EASIEST ONE.

Grandmother Willow from the movie POCHONTAS

I knew the day would come when my daughter would begin to act like the mother, and then I would look to her for the answers and have her take me by the hand and lead me toward the right path.

Jenna has actually already taken me by the hand and dragged me into some fun adventures that I normally wouldn't even consider doing. It surprises me when she thinks "outside the box" and comes up with clever things to do.

One Mother's Day, she and Alec took me to tour Brucemore. I know a lot of you out there have probably experienced this already, but it never occurred to me to go and see what that mansion looked like. We had a great time, and little Alec got to pee behind the hedges of a very nice estate (you do what you gotta do in an emergency). Another time, Jenna made arrangements for us go to the Quad Cities to see Reba and Kelly Clarkson in concert. That is something Lon was not really interested in trying, but Jen knew how much I liked Reba. So off we went for the evening, and enjoyed a great dinner and then the concert. A few years back, Jenna and Cousin Holly decided to fly off to Vegas for a long weekend. When Nina and I got wind of it, we thought maybe WE would like to go, too. Some daughters might have put their foot down, and said NUH UH, NO MOTHERS ALLOWED, but they welcomed us with open arms. When Nina and Holly got detained watching and grading a new TV pilot show, Jen and I had a ball seeing the huge M&M store, the Wax Museum, and later the Blue Man Show. There are so many interesting and fun things that she has come up with, and I admire her for her imagination.

The Saturday after my diagnosis, Jenna insisted we go try on wigs in case there was a need for them in the future. (NOTE: I'm still not quite there yet). With the new house to deal with and after working all week, I knew she had lots to do, but she spent the whole day with me, trying to figure out stuff I might need for this crappy situation. What a kid! This is just another example of her taking me by the hand and saying, 'It's time to deal with this now, so get your butt in gear and let's go check things out!"

Well, I meet with the plastic surgeon tomorrow to decide the final choice of operation (Option 1, Option 2, or Option 3) and the results I hope to achieve. Jenna talked with me about this and gave me her feelings on the matter. I also got feedback from Sisters Sandy and Karen. Now I will tell you what my final decision is.

I'm not going to tell anyone which of the three operations I am going with. Yup. I have a feeling that I am going to catch flak from a lot of people, no matter which one I choose, so I will just keep it to myself for a little while. I am finding out that the title of this post is true - sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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February 11, 2014

2/11/2014

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madre,

i know the information you received yesterday wasn't what any of us were hoping for, but take "a minute," take a breath....let it sink in and try not to focus on the disappointing part of a "dimplectomy" not being one of your options. it hasn't spread or grown tremendously. it's just being an Oliphant = stubborn. try not to go to that panic-y place we were all thrown into when this started. i know, easy for me to say. (not really, but its not my lopsided, uneven, itty bitties we're talking about here!). from what i've read, your chemo drugs may just need to be adjusted, and this is not uncommon when HER2+ is involved.

things have gone SO well so far - now it's time for the tumor to be taken out so you can keep moving forward. you just have to decide which option YOU want. we are all here to support whatever you decide. and i'm happy to remind a surgeon or doctor that it's YOUR body, and they are working for YOU, if that's necessary. if you feel the options are too extreme, then say so...or consider a second opinion again. i don't know if you'll ever really be able to be comfortable with anything but a lumpectomy, since that's what we were convinced was going to happen....but it doesn't mean you have to choose the option that seems so extreme either.

whatever happens, THE CANCER IS COMING OUT!!! :) and then the downhill slide of all that you've gone through begins. and i'm here every step of the way (possibly glaring enviously at your new tah-tahs, but hey...).

(((HUGZ)))

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

i can do everything through Him who gives me strength

Phillippians 4:13

be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:6, 8

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MINUTE BY MINUTE - HOUR BY HOUR - DAY BY DAY

2/10/2014

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HAVE PATIENCE, GOD ISN'T FINISHED YET.

                                                        Philippians 1:6

If you don't take a peek at the comments made on this blog, sometimes you miss something special. I'm going to start this off on a light note, because it pertains a little bit to something more serious later on.

Tina's comment to yesterday's post.

OZZY OSBOURNE'S WIFE HAD BREAST SURGERY. THEY TOOK FAT FROM HER BUTT TO RECONSTRUCT. HE NOW JOKES WITH HER THAT HER BOOBIES SMELL LIKE ASS.

Well, kids, I went to see the surgeon today and it seems like it's going to be more difficult than we had anticipated. Dr. B (surgeon) did an ultrasound and the tumor still seems to be about the same size as it was originally. Unfortunately, it's not a nice, round, firm ball-like tumor - more like a raggedy-edged type of shape. It wasn't said out loud, but we got the impression that maybe the chemo treatments didn't work.


I have a history of trying different things to improve myself, and it doesn't seem to make a difference. Like all the walking and biking - no weight loss. In 2001, I had Lasik surgery. My eyesight was spectacular - for about a week. Then it began to reverse. Six months later, I had the Lasik surgery again. My eyesight was spectacular - for about another stinking week before it began to reverse. Five years later, I had the Lasik touched up when I had cataract surgery. Again, the same thing. About ten years ago, I took Coral Calcium because Lon thought that would be a healthy thing for us to do. I got such big kidney stones from the stupid calcium crystals, that they wedged inside the "tube" and I had to have them surgically removed. If I take vitamins, I begin to feel really crappy, not healthier. So, I guess that I shouldn't be surprised if my body will not accept chemo. I wondered why the people at the clinic looked so surprised, but not necessarily happy, about the fact that I was retaining my hair. I had read in one of my cancer advisory books, that it was GOOD to lose your hair, because that was a sign of the chemo working. I do NOT know for a fact that it didn't work, but I'm thinking it may just be true. I'm getting the feeling that I am Teflon Woman - I resist EVERYTHING!

Dr. Ghosh had told us from the beginning, that if it looked like the chemo wasn't working, his advice was to have the surgery performed as soon as possible. However, he is gone for a couple more weeks, so what do I do?

Well, Dr. B gave us a few options. Option No. 1 is a lumpectomy, which involves having a radiologist stick metal pin markers in to form a kind of fence around the cancerous area, and hope that they guess the correct dimensions of ALL of the cancer. Then Dr. B would cut out everything inside the fence, and then I would do chemo and radiation. I would need reconstructive work done.

Option No.2 is a skin-saving partial mastectomy which would be like cutting the entire core of the breast out and leaving the shell (the skin and nipple of the original breast). At the same time of surgery, a stretcher (balloon) would be placed under the muscle that lies right on top of the wall of the chest. Drains would be put in for about a week. The stretcher (or balloon-like thing) would be expanded periodically for about three months by pumping fluid into it. After that time, they would go in and make an incision, take out the stretcher and put in a "gummy bear" prosthesis. Tah Dah - new and improved breast. Dr. B. talked about having BOTH BREASTS done at the same time to ensure that both sides are symmetrical and, with the inside of each breast removed, almost all chance of getting cancer in the future, in either side would be gone. YIPES! I don't know if I want to be that radical about this. Like Lon says, "If it ain't broke - don't fix it." Since the right side "ain't broke", I think I'll just leave that one alone.

Option No. 3 is a complete mastectomy. I don't even want to think about that.

We go to see the plastic surgeon on Thursday, to find out more.

When Dr. B. was talking about the different prosthesis materials, that darn info that Tina had given me about Ozzie Osbourne's wife's breast reconstruction, came to mind. I had been kinda crying at that point, and when I tried to tell the doctor about a portion of Sharon Osbourne's butt being used to fill the void of her breast, I burst out laughing. Lon just looked apologetically at the doc and said, "She has a weird sense of humor."

Talked to Sister Sandy and Jenna tonight, and got some of my fussing out of my system.   Thanks.

Maybe tomorrow will look a little brighter. I guess I will take my own advice and take everything minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

                                                                                  GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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