It's going to be 2 1/2 weeks before next round of chemo, so I don't have much to report, except my family is really keeping a close watch on me. I watched Alec for a few hours yesterday and Lon ended up calling me three times. Then Alec and I slipped into Goodwill for a few minutes and I left my cellphone in the truck. Unfortunately, I missed a call from Kelly, who was going to meet me to pick up Al. When she couldn't get ahold of me, Lon was leaving messages, Jenna was dashing home on her lunch hour to see why I couldn't be reached, and Kelly was wondering where in the heck I was. LOL. I suppose they all thought I was floundering on the floor of the basement, unable to get up. Anyhoo, it worked out and we all got on the same page.
Jenna sent home some of her delicious homemade chili for our supper. She is constantly trying to think of things to make life easier for me. I don't know what I would do without her.
Since there's not much going on at this time, I was looking through some of my notes from the very beginning of this situation. It's amazing how down I was at first, and how things are turning around so fast. I am really feeling good and upbeat and ready to get on with this.
BUT, this is the way I felt at first, and I'm sure there are a lot of people who have experienced the same feelings. Just be assured, if you are going through something like this, it will get better.
(and my list of Fifty Shades of Gray - well, maybe not 50!)
When this all started, I woke up each day with such an odd feeling. I can only describe it as "DAMP GRAY". Damp gray feels like sadness, worry, and despair. It makes me think of a dark gray mist covering up the sun, blanketing the warm earth in a thick, gloomy layer,and hiding the green trees. Damp gray is a heavy, dreary experience like no other and I dreaded facing it each day. Every morning, I would go about the task of shaking off those thoughts because I knew that the sun and warm earth and trees were waiting for me somewhere, just behind the mist. They always have and they always will. I just have to believe that.
Then I decided to list my favorite shades of gray, which is a much happier experience.
1. Pewter gray - strong and distinguished
2. Soft gray - how the fur on a fat cat looks, complete with pure white patches on its paws
3. Silver gray - my husband's hair now (it used to be rich, glossy brown - curly, too!)
4. Floaty gray - that marvelous color on the underside of clouds, telling me rain is coming
5. Stiff gray - the color of my late Grandpa Paul's bushy coarse eyebrows
6. Pearl gray - the iridescent color of the claim shells along the Mississippi River bank at Guttenberg
7. Plaid gray - a gray and yellow plaid wool straight skirt that I had in high school and absolutely loved. I wore
it with soft yellow sweater and thought I was really something!
8. Putty gray - a reminder that there may be repairs needed somewhere (to have something to work on is a
9. Warm gray - that special eye color that some lucky people have - they look so thoughtful and intelligent
10. Package gray - the classy look of shiny gray ribbon wrapped around a gift and then tied into a bow
11. Lacquer gray - whoo whoo! Our 1971 Ford Torino - one of the first shiny gray cars that came out around
the early 70's. It had beautiful red/orange/yellow racing stripes down both sides. A Mack truck ran a red
light and demolished it (I was okay, but the car was only a year old - so young to die) sob
12. Lavender gray - the color of the satin dress Jenna wore in her cousin Summer's wedding. P.S. They both
13. Dove gray - reminds me of the dressy gloves that women of an earlier era wore to their ladies' club
meetings (Mother belonged to Missionary Club and the You-Go-I-Go Club. In later years, she received
her much beloved and sought-after membership to the Alburnett Book Club. There was a strict limit of 12
members, therefore an opening only came up when someone moved away or died, and no one was
readily willing to do either so it was amazing when you got to be a member - unless it was the "lady
14. Grayish blue - the color of some of husband's marbles from his childhood
15. Dapple gray - love the look of a horse with splotches of gray and white
Okay, I only have fifteen shades of gray that I really enjoy. But I've got a lot of years ahead of me and I'm sure I can find more to add to the list. Stay tuned.
Hope anyone reading this does not think I have gone completely Looney Tunes, but rambling here at the keyboard is a real stress buster. Some of this stuff I'm writing may sound kinda kookie, but ... it is what it is.